"... ... WHAT?!"
"WHAT?!"
"WHAT?!"
"It really is you, Artoria! And it seems like you've made some new friends. I'm so sorry if Jeanne greeted you in a rude way... she's not that sweet with strangers."
"You shot at them too, idiot. And don't treat me like a dog."
"So tell me a bit, how have you been d-"
The man was slapped in the face by Salter.
"How dare you show your face after what you've done?"
"Wow, you certainly haven't gotten weaker... what do you mean by that, Art-"
"Don't pretend to not know. You know how much I've had to travel to find you, while you were staying here in your cozy village with this witch?"
"What did you say, you-"
"Wait Jeanne! You're right, when I realised where I was, I wanted to find the two of you immediately, I really wanted us to reunite... and a few weeks ago, I managed to find Jeanne, here in this village, and she convinced me to stay here for a while. You're free to not believe this, but I was going to ask her to resume searching for you tomorrow."
"I see, so that's why you bought me burgers today... besides, we don't have the time to go looking for every rabid dog out there, especially when there were other much more fun things we could do..."
"This bitch!"
"Now, now, if I have to be completely honest, killing those poor monster babies wasn't fun at all, but you know, that time we learned how to make bread was fun!"
"Only you could find something like that fun."
"Anyway, I'm so happy to see you, Artoria! You have to tell me everything you've been true."
"Yeah, it seems like you moved on from us and found a new toy to play with..."
"This bitch!"
"Hey now, no fighting! Oh, where are my manners. I'm Gilgamesh, it's a pleasure to meet you guys!"
"... I don't think they're fine."
"They're very confused."
"I need to use the bathroom."
One bathroom break later...
"Ok, tell us everything, slowly and clearly, mongrel."
"Mongrel?"
"It's just a verbal tick. He has Tourette's."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"I do not have it!"
"When you say everything, you mean-"
"From the very beginning."
"Your entire life."
"That much."
"I am just as confused as Archer."
"I don't think my brain functions anymore."
"Ok, sure. I'll summarise my story... so, I was once king of the city of Uruk, a long, long time ago. When I was young, I wasn't... how should I put this... I wasn't exactly a saint..."
"That checks out."
"I was, quite frankly, terrible. So terrible in fact that my own people asked the Gods to punish me. And so they created the monster Enkidu."
"Oh no... he's not lying... he really is me..."
"And so Enkidu confronted me and we fought for days. You should know that I possess a-"
"They know that part. Go on."
"Long story short, I emptied my vault until we were both exhausted and down to one last attack. We could have killed each other. So I did the only logical thing-"
"You became friends with him."
"Hehe, no. That would have been absurd. I struck first, and he responded. In the ensuing clash, I was able to slay him, however, I was severely wounded and lying on the floor. I was going to die for certain."
"And then what happened?"
"... the people saved me. Those same people I had tortured, killed and enslaved, those people who had every right to leave me to die there like a dog, they decided against all reason to save me. I was as shocked as you are right now. That's when I found out what humanity was, and vowed to protect it forever."
"Am I hearing this right?"
"Yeah, yeah, I think you are, Arty."
"And so I went on many missions and adventures to protect my people, like slaying Humbaba, stuff like that... until one that, a goddess came to me, asking me to marry her."
"Oh no, not her..."
"Ereshkigal, the Goddess of the Underworld. Make no mistake, she didn't seem horrible, and I found her company pleasing, however, humans were tired of gods messing around on Earth. So, for their sake, I very politely turned her down."
"Very politely..."
"She... for the lack of a better word... didn't take it so well, and despite the other gods being against her plan, she forced them to unleash the Bull of Heaven. Luckily, with the help of my army, I was able to kill that force of nature, but then Eresh... cursed me."
"Cursed you?"
"Indeed. My golden weapons, once so strong and shiny, turned black and weaker, and my body lost its original endurance. It became harder and harder for me to even walk, every step was pure pain. Following this, I embarked on a journey to find the Herb of Immortality."
"To strenghen your body, right?"
"Hehe, obviously not. I wanted to give it to my people."
"Nero, am I hearing this right? Did he really say that he wanted to give the herb to his people?"
"Yes, Arty, I also heard that."
"And so, after some very exhausting years, I finally found it. However-"
"A snake ate it?"
"Shut up, Archer! There's no way-"
"Yep, a snake ate it."
"..."
"... and so?"
"Well, I couldn't bear the weight of having failed my people, and so... I died from a broken heart."
"No! Don't die please!"
"I sure hope I don't again. But you know, there is a happy ending: the goddess Ishtar had mercy of me and so she brought me to the Heavens, and my body is said to have become the North Star, something that anyone can look up in the sky, even in the darkest night, and still see. An ever-lasting symbol of hope."
"Yeah! That's much better!"
"Are you sure? You're crying..."
"I'm sorry... you're awesomeness is making me cry."
"Oh stop it, you're making me blush. Artoria and Jeanne never have kind words for me."
"What have you done to earn them, Mr. Perfect?"
"What exactly do you want from us, pervert?"
"See?"
"I can't believe it... a timeline in which Gilgamesh isn't an asshole!"
"What?"
"I can't believe it... a timeline in which I'm a mongrel!"
"What?!"
"Hold on, I'll explain."
One explanation later...
"So you're me... from another timeline?"
"I'm not you! I'll never be a mongrel like you!"
Gilgamesh got elbowed in the stomach by Saber.
"Yes, he is, as hard as this may seem for you to believe... I truly feel sorry for you."
"Wow, so you're basically... like a brother!"
"A what?"
"And since you're the one who lived the longest, I guess I shall call you Big Bro."
"B... Big what?"
"Yay! Let's hug it out, Big Bro!"
"Get off of me, mongrel! You're nothing compared to me."
"You're right... you don't have any curse on you, you really are the best... I'll try to live up to your standard, Big Bro."
"You really shouldn't do that, his standard is underground compared to yours."
"That's just a lie..."
"He's modest too."
"More importantly, I'm surprised that such a kind Artoria could ever exist."
"What are you implying, moron?"
"Yeah I'm surprised we found an Artoria who actually reasons..."
"Imagine my surprise when I discovered a Jeanne who actually does something..."
"You burger-muncher, you want to take this outside?"
"I thought you liked something more private, dressed as you are-"
"You-"
"Ok, ok, time out, girls."
"Shut up!"
"..."
"And... how did you meet these two?"
"I was summoned in the Holy Grail War by a young mage. He was very kind, not very good, a bit clumsy, but his heart was in the right place."
"Ah, yes, my dear Sh-"
"Shinji, indeed. His sister was supposed to summon me, Sakura, that cold-hearted-"
"Yeah, yeah, we get it."
"So I ended up fighting Shiro's Servant, Artoria over here. And, to put it, mildly, I beat the shit out of her, but don't tell her that- ow!"
"I can hear you, idiot. And you simply got a lucky strike in."
"Yeah, yeah... so eventually, I used Rule Breaker to make her my Servant and we later recruited this little Avenger over here."
"Don't speak of me as if I were a child."
"So, long story short, we won, and it was awesome."
"You mean I won."
"Like you'd ever have won without our help, you dog."
"I certainly would have done just fine without yours."
"It must have been really hard for you, Gilgamesh..."
"Gil- Gilgamesh? Why does he get to be called by his name? Ow, my jaw..."
"First you'll have to become half the man he is already, Archer."
"I guess we're not so different you and I, Big Bro."
"Yes, we are!"
"Yes, you are."
"Would you guys like to stay here?"
"Never- Ow!"
"We'd love to. But only for tonight. We already stopped too many times. We need to quickly find the Grands, defeat them, and bring order back to our world."
"I see... well, in that case, we can come with you!"
"Absolutely-"
"Yes, absolutely yes! That's what you wanted to say, right, Archer?"
"N- Ow, I said n- Ow, stop- Ow, ok, ok, you may accompany us for a bit."
"Fantastic, what do you think, Jeanne? Jeanne? Oh, she's gone."
"That crybaby is probably scared."
"No, now that I think about it, she's right, I did promise her we'd stay here without meddling with anything big going on."
"What a moron you are. You're willing to let the world burn just because of a promise you made to that-"
"Artoria, stop! She's someone very dear to me, and I care about her. You should know that."
"What about me? Do you care about what I want?"
"I do, that's the only reason I'm even considering this proposal! Oh, no offense, guys!"
"Offense taken! Ow!"
"He's joking."
"Look, Artoria, I'll forever be grateful to both of you for what you taught me, but you have to understand I can't disregard the feelings of one of my friends in favour of yours. I'll talk to her, see what I can do."
"Excuse me, I don't to bother this private conversation, but what exactly are you grateful for?"
"... when I was summoned again, I wanted to ask the Holy Grail to grant my final wish. To give humans immortality. However, through our journey and adventure, I realised that what makes human life so precious is that it's so short and finite and that every moment is important and must be lived precisely because we don't have countless of them. That way, I was able to accept my failure and move on from it."
"And you needed to die again to learn- Ow!"
"... fine, go talk to her. Just remember that I'll kill you if you say no."
"Then I better prepare myself, hehe."
"..."
"... so, Salty, what's the deal between your boyfriend and the other girl?"
"Don't say absurd things! He's merely a child disguised as an adult, he simply views everyone as an equal friend, even those who wish to kill him. He's a moron who doesn't understand how others feel."
"Well, how do you feel about him?"
"... he's totally annoying. That's the only reason I even bother to talk to him."
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to grab a snack."
"It's pretty early."
"Never early enough for no snacks."
"I guess you're right. Oh dear, look at these hits. You mustn't hit Goldie this hard, Arty. You shouldn't follow Salty's example. Not everyone enjoys getting hit."
"As long as it's Saber..."
"..."
In the corridor, Salter looked at the necklace, moving it around in her hands. A few tears started falling on them.
"Thank goodness... I thought... I thought I'd lost you again..."
Somewhere else in the house...
"Jeanne."
"You know, I really feel like hitting you now."
"You're free to do that."
"... I'll pass for now. No fun in doing that if you just take it."
"... they need our help."
"And I don't? Weren't you the one who told us to follow our heart, to embrace our humanity?"
"Yes, I know. I know this is not what you wanted, I know that you don't deserve this, but... but I can't just ignore those in need..."
Jeanne slowly hid her face with her hands.
"... I'm tired. I'm tired of all of this, Gil. I'm tired of people telling me what to do, asking me to save the world. I'm tired of being the hero."
Gilgamesh sat next to her, gently supporting her head with his shoulder.
"I know... I'm sorry... I always get you two into trouble... but... just this once... won't you do me this favour? Will you be the hero for my sake? I promise you, after all of this is done, may the word collapse forever, I'll make sure your wish comes true. I mean it."
"..."
A long time ago, in France...
In a small village, there once lived an unremarkable girl. She did all the unremarkable things a girl from the countryside did, but, contrary to other girls of her age, she was happy to do them. She was satisfied with living an unremarkable life. That's all she ever wanted.