I really couldn't go on with this. I took John home, but of course, he was reluctant to go with me. Enjoying a delayed vacation with Hell was his dream. So he just bought a ticket for me to return to Westmont.
I arrived at my apartment, closed all the windows, and buried myself in my room, burying my face in my pillow and crying my eyes out.
I didn't know which part of this hurt me the most. Was it Jenna and Blake's marriage? Or was it Jenna's infidelity that I felt so hurt because Blake would have been hurt too if he knew what his future wife was doing behind his back? Or maybe...
No way. It definitely wasn't because of John. We had agreed from the start to do this without love. We even made love without love. It must have been lust that dominated, and I knew John had no deep feelings for me. Just because he needed a release with someone else except Hell.
Of course, he did. It must have been because he just wanted to try what it was like to fuck a young woman like me.
I shouldn't feel hurt because this was the risk. I'd even stipulated that I was his since we married, right? I was willing to let him touch me because it was all his right, right? So, was it right for me to be angry now?
Tired of releasing tears because of my misfortune, I was now suffering from overthinking. What if John was getting closer to Hell because I was no longer there to prevent them from always spending time together? What if...
Ding dong!
I was startled by the sound of the bell coming from the door. A few weeks at John's house had left me unaccustomed to any sound in my apartment. No one came looking for me because everyone who came was John's guest. But here, indeed, anyone out there must be intended to see me right now.
I peeked through the peephole and found a familiar face standing impatiently and pressing the bell again.
I opened the door, and his handsome face greeted me with a sweet smile. He leaned in and was about to kiss my lips, but I quickly blocked it with one hand, and he showed his confusion without asking.
"Sorry, you might be surprised, Jayme. However, we can't do this anymore," I said, which made him even more clueless.
"I contacted you for a few weeks, and you didn't respond, then you came back with a strange and confusing attitude. What's wrong, Cla?" He asked with a look that had returned to its old self because he knew me well. There was no way I wasn't going to tell him anything. Jayme and I were best friends with benefits.
It wasn't uncommon for us to sleep together from time to time just to satisfy the cravings we felt when we didn't need anyone else. It might sound weird, but that was what happened.
"I'm married, Jayme. And I hope you can behave from now on. I don't want any unpleasant rumors about us that will hurt my husband's feelings. Hence, don't come over anymore, or you'll ruin my marriage, and that will, of course, hurt me."
It was surprising that he didn't flinch and instead grabbed me into his arms for some time before pulling away and uttering a single sentence that made me feel a mixture of annoyance and joy because I felt that Jayme was still the Jayme I knew, who was annoying but hilarious and knew how to make me smile.
He always knew when my heart was down or not okay, even though, on other occasions, his annoying attitude made me reluctant to meet him.
"Congratulations, then. However, I won't stay away from you because I'm sure you'll need a friend to talk to or beat up your husband if he dares to hurt you. Oh, yeah. I'm also ready to warm your bed if your husband can't satisfy you. Because I know Clara is the goddess of sex, and only Jayme Demir can always satisfy her. So, may I come in? I brought your favorite food."
***
The seducer came almost daily because I never attended classes on campus. John had given me permission to take a semester off after our marriage because I had a lot to get used to as the wife of Doctor John Armando before returning to my usual Clara self.
I obeyed, but after only a few weeks, boredom set in. I preferred to get back into the swing of things with the myriad lecture materials rather than just sitting around like an unemployed person.
I wanted to become a doctor, so these tough years must have been done right. However, it looked like it was going to be a pipe dream because having big dreams meant sacrificing a lot, especially in my current state, where I was a prisoner of a strange man who claimed to be a doctor and also my husband.
"I brought you some snacks and ice cream," Jayme said, handing me a large scoop of my favorite vanilla ice cream and a paper bag of snacks I would probably never eat.
I wasn't on a diet, but since marrying John, I seemed to have lost my appetite and preferred to distract my mind with even more mindless pursuits.
"Why do you always treat me like a child?"
"Only this time," he replied with a smile.
"No, you don't. You have always done that for a long time. You come to me when you feel like it and then fuck me," I added, but I couldn't help but accept everything he offered. I loved ice cream, I loved chocolate, I loved all cake—especially cinnamon cake.
"I think of you like a favorite little sister."
"No big brother has sex with his little sister. Don't be crazy, Jayme. Come in." I opened the apartment door wider, let him drop his weight on the sofa, and then turned on the television. "Vodka, whiskey? Or coffee?"
"Vodka. Thank you."
"No vodka. Just coffee. Alcoholic drinks can damage your heart. That's why you're so insensitive to a woman's feelings." I blurted out, which only made him laugh. He stopped laughing when I sat down next to him, looking at me for a while before asking a question that I could no longer contain myself. "Cla, I'm asking seriously. Are you happy?"
Should I answer? I was happy, just feeling constrained. Should I?
I might have been too naive to think that John and I would cooperate just that—it wouldn't involve feelings or hearts, which turned out to be quite the opposite. I might be a woman who liked someone quickly, but to fall in love, it took many reasons to claim that it was love. However, with John, somehow, it felt so different.
We didn't sleep around when we first met. Whereas when I met other men, even if they didn't intend to fuck me in the first place—if I landed in their bed, it must be meant that it had already happened.
Maybe it was confirmed that John didn't touch me at that time because he only wanted Hellen. However, hearing Hellen's words at the hotel troubled me even more.
"It's okay for you to sleep with a lot of random women you meet at clubs, but not with that woman, even if she's your wife," she said at the time. If John slept with those women, why not me?
"Do you really sleep with stranger women like Hellen said? Or is it just a weapon you use to provoke her jealousy?" I asked at that very moment when we were at the canal after catching Jenna and Ryan Karl's disgusting behavior. John was silent for a while, but then he answered loudly, and I believed him.
"I originally intended it that way, but seeing that Hellen wasn't jealous at all, I ended up doing it in earnest. If she can do it with many men, why can't I?"
Many men? That's amazing! John was willing to be the cheap guy that she would only go to when she was lusting after him rather than find one other woman who was willing to give up everything for him.
I refocused my attention on Jayme and his question after letting it hang uncertainly while I was lost in my thoughts.
He was still waiting but not in love. Jayme's attitude toward me was not much different from John's toward Hellen. However, our relationship was more of a past one in which he didn't love me, nor did I.
I used to love him for a while but realized that Jayme wasn't a man who liked commitment. Before I got carried away, I decided to just have fun with him, and his attitude became the opposite.
"What if I tell you I'm unhappy, J? Would you comfort me?" I asked, flashing a forced smile.
He didn't smile back but straightened up and looked at me seriously. "I'm serious, Cla. Are you happy with this marriage? He's way above your age, and you've never heard of him being in a relationship. That means you were forced to marry him. Tell me, did he force you to marry him? Because Doctor Armando is not a good man. He doesn't deserve you, Cla."
Was Jayme just guessing? Or did he really know John's character? If he did, how could he know?