Inside the vast library of the First Tower, I sat at one of the many desks, a spread of books before me that formed towers of varying heights. But all my focus was on a single open book as I tried with all my mental effort—which I've come to learn over the past few days is painfully limited—to make sense of Miria's verbal explanation and the written symbols… but I simply couldn't.
Miria, who stood beside me with one hand on my shoulder, sighed wearily. "This is one thing I apparently can't do, huh?… I have a new respect for teachers."
She didn't look at me when she said those words, and I knew she was blaming herself more than blaming me for not being able to teach me. It had been like that these past few days. I felt a bit guilty, but what could I do? I just couldn't understand these strange symbols.
"Let's start again," Miria said once more, flipping the book back to the first page—not that I'd ever gone beyond the third to begin with. "Let's do morphology this time—how words are formed. You're at least better at that than phonetics."
I didn't say anything to Miria's heavy, defeated words and tried to focus with all I had, hoping I could grasp something today, unlike the past few days. 'I can do this!'
It wasn't that I was passionate about learning, and I don't think I was that kind of person in my previous life—not that I can recall any memory of it—and as things stand, I don't see myself ever being that way. But I was determined to learn because I had come to admire and be inspired—even touched—by how devoted Miria was to this task she set for herself. She promised to teach me, and she was doing everything in her power to keep that promise.
And over the past few days, that's exactly what we did. We woke up, ate, and she dragged me straight to the library to study. At first, Miria was excited, treating it all as fun and games… but now, teaching me had become her real mission. Something to do, not something to enjoy.
And learning was all we did. Which meant… no sex—or at least not until I caught up with her expectations. Of course, Miria never said that outright. But my new routine was just that: sleep, food, study… no intimacy in the mix. She still allowed cuddling and touching, but only in her bedroom. She even began dressing differently—more covered around her chest, neck, and legs—thinking that it might distract me less from learning. That was also why she taught me while standing beside me rather than sitting across the desk. And though I knew she didn't get tired from just standing, I still felt a little guilty.
One last thing that changed too—and this was the only one that had been making me anxious lately—was that Miria had started ignoring my thoughts completely. Usually, my thoughts were always open to her, and she would respond to them without me needing to act or speak—In some cases. It was convenient in a way… but now, if I didn't say something or express it, she remained unaware. And the worst part was, I didn't know if she was doing it on purpose or not. Today was the day I would ask her. I couldn't keep holding it in. If she was doing this to punish me, at least I'd know, and if it was for another reason, I'd know that too.
I turned to her and called her name before she started explaining the next part of the lesson. She turned to me with a curious look.
"Are you ignoring my thoughts?" I asked hesitantly, as a start.
"No, why?" Miria replied, looking more curious than anything. Her hand returned to rest on my shoulder, and she arched her back slightly to sit on the armrest of my chair. "What's on your mind?"
"You're supposed to know!" I told her.
Miria smiled faintly and said, "I see the problem. And don't worry—I'm not ignoring your thoughts, I just stopped intercepting them… for now."
I frowned a little. Why would she do that? "Why? Wouldn't I learn faster if you could read my thoughts and know where I struggle most?"
Miria's faint smile turned into a sarcastic one. "That's true. But I won't risk becoming as dumb as you!" She laughed at her own joke, but I didn't.
"But the main reason," she placed a hand on my cheek—and surprisingly, it was the most affectionate gesture she had shown since she started teaching me—"is because I'm serious about you. I don't want to treat you like every other existence."
Miria looked at me for a long while, a small spark lighting in her eyes. The same thing lit up inside me, only in my heart. I tried to pull her in for a kiss, but she pushed me away… just like she had been doing these past days.
"Back to work," Miria said, pulling her hand from my face and returning her focus to the book.
I sighed and forced myself to focus on the book again. I didn't want to let her down.
"In Eltherian, words aren't independent entities but are composed of smaller parts called morphemes. I won't give examples yet so you can focus on the basics and decoding…"
And for the next few hours, that's all I did—study under Miria, with the only exception being food. Even that, she brought me herself into the library and watched me eat. She didn't touch any food, just waited patiently for me to finish so we could go back to work.
Before I finished eating, I raised my head to look at Miria and said, "You know, I need more rest than I'm getting. Every time I get back to bed, I feel like my mind is melting from exhaustion. I fall asleep on you without enjoying you enough."
I finally said the words I had kept inside for a long time. It wasn't that I was blaming Miria for neglecting me. I knew we were vastly different. I tire easily, she doesn't. She's strong, I'm weak. She's smart, I'm less so, and more of that kind. But I still felt a little wronged by how she was treating me. I hadn't brought it up before, but now I had.
Miria frowned slightly and didn't respond right away. She adjusted her glasses first before speaking. "I know. And you'll get enough rest—and more than enough with me—but only when I'm satisfied with you."
She said it, and I listened. I had reached that conclusion myself, but hearing it from her stung a little. Still, I didn't understand why. "But why rush like this?" I asked softly.
Miria stared at me for a long few seconds before saying, "Because I'm late for the next summoning call."