"So... just checking," Nami said, water slowly rising around her boots. "You've been watching us this whole time?"
"I was evaluating the tension," Raja replied, upside-down and floating cross-legged in midair. "Also I was waiting for the dramatic beat to kick in. You don't interrupt a villain monologue unless you want to be tackled by karma."
"You were EATING POPCORN!" Usopp screeched, holding a soggy piece of wax with a horrified expression. "We were being digested!"
"To be fair," Raja twirled a finger, creating a glowing hologram of the events with a tada! flourish, "Mr. 3 was also being digested, and he had the sense to hide in wax! Y'all should take notes."
"GET US OUT OF HERE!"
"Fine, fine, fine," Raja sighed, descending to the water's surface like a diva landing at Coachella. "Sanji, darling, if you please—kick the one with the twitchy left eye. He ate the key. Probably also someone's laundry."
Sanji blinked. "Wait, how do you—"
"Multiversal belly-reading," Raja said with absolute nonsense confidence. "Also, MAYA scanned their gastrointestinal chakras. Don't ask."
The Bananawani hurked, a key and one VERY disgruntled wax ball landing with a wet plop.
"HELLO?! Did I miss the part where this turned into a horror movie?!"
"Ah. Mr. 3," Raja grinned. "You little waxy weasel. Fancy seeing you again. I missed your nervous breakdowns."
"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Mr. 3 screamed, paddling in circles. "I AM NOT MAKING ANYTHING FOR YOU CRAZY PEOPLE AGAIN!"
Raja raised a hand. The water froze solid around Mr. 3's paddling hands.
"Okay, okay, okay!" Mr. 3 wailed. "I'll make the key! Just let me go before I have an actual wax-related trauma response!"
"Smart choice," Raja smirked, floating backward while tossing a mini sun at the water to warm everyone up. "Consent is important, even in magical coercion. That's character growth!"
The crew gasped for air, flopping onto the sand like freshly delivered pizza.
Smoker sat up, coughing. "I'm... alive?"
"You're welcome," Zoro grunted, hauling Luffy out of the water like a wet sock. "We just carried your dead weight through twenty meters of ocean."
"I resent that!" Luffy shouted, already back on his feet with his barrel of water. "I'm only half-dead, thank you!"
Raja landed beside them with jazz hands. "Now that the life-threatening peril is over, I present: Escapology! By Raja the Ridiculously Resourceful!"
"You did NOTHING," Nami growled.
"Excuse you, I was a strategic observer," Raja sniffed, flipping a golden coin into the air and catching it behind his ear. "Also I filed a magical OSHA complaint against Crocodile's flood trap. Very unsafe."
Chopper appeared, leading a massive crab with luxurious lashes and a dramatic sideways strut.
"This is Hasami!" Chopper announced. "She's gonna help us escape!"
Raja immediately bowed. "Queen Hasami. Your pincers are radiant."
The crab chittered modestly.
Sanji rolled his eyes. "You're flirting with a crustacean now?"
"I flirt with danger, good sir. This is diplomacy," Raja replied. "Also, she's clearly a Virgo. Look at that symmetrical gait."
As the crew boarded the crab express, Crocodile suddenly burst out from the casino wreckage like an angry sandstorm.
"I'll take the princess," he growled, lunging toward Vivi.
"No, you won't!" Luffy declared, leaping between them.
"You fool," Crocodile hissed. "You can't touch me."
"You know what? You're right," Luffy grinned, then turned to Raja. "But I remember what you said! Haki! Natural element beaters!"
"That's my captain," Raja said, wiping a fake tear. "Learning from exposition like a proper shonen lead."
Luffy chugged his water barrel like a college freshman at a keg party. "I GOT THIS!"
"You do not got this," Raja muttered, already prepping a teleportation spell.
"Three minutes," Crocodile sneered. "Then I end you."
"Bring it!" Luffy roared, launching a Gomu Gomu Bazooka. His fists passed through the sand harmlessly.
Raja, perched invisibly on a nearby rock with opera glasses, sighed. "I told him Haki isn't just a state of mind. It's a whole tutorial."
He shook his head. "Still... this is cinema."
As Crocodile's hook slammed into Luffy's side and the sandstorm was unleashed toward Yuba, Raja winced.
"Okay... That might leave a mark."
Crocodile smirked, impaling Luffy and dropping him into quicksand. "This is where it ends."
"Overdramatic," Raja muttered. "And I say that."
As the storm faded, Nico Robin appeared like a mirage, her long coat billowing dramatically.
She knelt beside Luffy's half-buried form, pulling him free.
"Why are you helping him?" Raja said, flickering into view beside her.
Robin glanced at him. "He's... important to Vivi."
"I knew you had taste," Raja said, nodding solemnly. "You know, you could join us. You're tall, mysterious, have perfect deadpan. You'd fit right in."
"Tempting," Robin murmured. "But I still have business with Crocodile."
"Fine, fine, ominous foreshadowing. I respect it," Raja sighed. "Here, take this."
He passed her a glowing potion vial. "Sunlight in a bottle. For the hole in his stomach."
Robin raised an eyebrow. "You carry magical sunshine potions?"
Raja smirked. "Sweetheart, I carry existential band-aids and interdimensional duct tape."
She handed Luffy off to Pell, who swooped in dramatically. "I'll get him to safety!"
"Be gentle," Raja warned. "He bruises like a banana in a blender."
Robin gave Raja one final look. "You're different."
"I prefer 'limited edition,'" Raja said with a wink. "Now go. We've got a revolution to crash."
[Robin disappears into the desert, Pell soars into the horizon, and Raja... strikes a dramatic pose in the wind.]
Raja:
"And thus concludes today's episode of: 'How to Escape a Crocodile Casino With Only Mild Psychological Scarring!' Tune in next time for more irrational heroism, sandstorm sabotage, and crab-related transportation!"