Creaaak!
Iori flung open the door to his room, only to find that all the adult magazines had vanished. In their place were posters, DVDs, and manga of shoujo anime!
Kouhei was still diligently putting up posters. When he saw Iori enter, he greeted him casually, "How's it, Kitahara Iori? The comfy room I designed for you?"
But Iori ignored him. He strode straight across the room to a certain Lalako poster.
Rip!
"Why the hell is this bastard here?!"
"Ahhh no!!! My Lalako!"
The way Iori tore that poster felt like he had ripped out a piece of Kouhei's soul.
"You bastard! You actually replaced my prized Lalako set!"
"Shut up, you damn idiot, Kouhei! How dare you taint my room with such disgusting things?!"
Creak~
The door opened again, two upperclassmen Shiro had returned.
"How is it, Iori? Pretty perfect this time, huh?"
"Since it's a freshman's room, of course, it should be arranged by a freshman!"
"Truly an amazing room~"
"This is nothing like what I asked for!!!"
Iori was losing his mind. How could they possibly think that Kouhei was a normal freshman?!
"Then what kind of room did you want?"
"The complete opposite of this one!!!"
Iori shouted, unable to understand how such a simple thing had gone so horribly wrong. The upperclassmen froze. "Oh, so that's what you meant."
"If that's the case, you should've told us earlier."
Iori felt utterly drained. Why the hell do I even have to spell this out for them?
Kouhei placed both hands on Iori's shoulders. "I understand now. I'll remake this room right away!"
"No need. Just go back, I'll handle it myself."
Iori had completely given up on letting this idiot do anything else!
"As if I'd give up a drinking party with middle schoolers who call me 'big bro' and just go home!"
Shiro stared at the two upperclassmen in shock. How the hell did you guys lure him over here? And Kouhei, do you even have a brain?! Middle schoolers aren't allowed at drinking parties!!!
"Even so—"
"Iori~ Come here for a second~"
Just as Iori was about to argue, Nanaka's voice called out.
"Go on, Kitahara. You're staying at someone else's place, you should at least help out. Leave this to us!"
Shiro patted Iori's shoulder heavily, his face radiating reliability.
"Idiot! That just makes me trust you even less!"
Iori spat viciously.
Then suddenly—
A thought struck him!
A normal person...?
There was one right in front of him! Shiro might be a total scumbag, but at least his taste in room decor was normal!
As much as he hated this idea, there was no other choice.
"Shiro! I'm leaving my room to you! Please, set it up just like yours!"
"...Can you not say my name like that? It gives me a weirdly disgusting feeling…"
"Don't sweat the details! Shiro!"
"I said don't call me that, you bastard! And didn't you say you wanted the opposite of this room?"
"I believe your room is the opposite of this one!"
"But—"
"No buts! That's final! I'm counting on you, Shiro!"
"Stop calling me that!"
Iori didn't give Shiro a chance to refuse. He slammed the door shut and left.
Shiro was left alone, staring at the three upperclassmen.
"...So, just like my room, huh?"
—
A while later.
"Man, I never expected Shiro's room to be... this extravagant."
"...This was an accident."
Creak~
Iori opened his door again, expecting to finally see a normal room.
Instead—
Not only was the room a complete mess, but the floor was littered with beer cans and an extra-large bra. More importantly, the walls were covered in erotic posters and DVDs! And many of them featured male-male and female-female pairs!!!
Iori instant-transmitted to Shiro and pulled off a full-on exaggerated facial expression.
"You bastard! Are you screwing with me?!"
Shiro's eyes were dead inside. "...This was an accident."
Two nights of hangovers—how the hell was I supposed to clean my room?! My room really does look like this!
As for all those male-male and female-female things? That was all Azusa-san! The extra-large bra too!
"You bastard, what kind of life are you even living?! You absolute scumbag!!!"
At that moment, Iori's gaze landed on the extra-large bra on the floor, and his eyes welled up with blood tears!
He and Shiro had gone to different middle schools, so he wasn't aware of Shiro's illustrious achievements. He called him a scumbag simply because Shiro used to mess with him when they were kids!
"…This was also an accident. I haven't slept properly for two nights…"
"You mean you've been partying all night, you bastard!!!"
Iori was on the verge of dropping dead, he could not accept that his childhood friend was living a better life than he was!!!
That was worse than death!
"By the way, what's on these discs?"
"Just pop one in and find out!"
The two upperclassmen weren't involved in the chaos; they were too busy discussing the discs that Shiro had brought.
"Iori-kun~"
Just then, a familiar voice called from the doorway—Nanaka. Iori immediately abandoned his battle with Shiro.
But as he turned around, cold sweat drenched his back.
I absolutely CANNOT let Nanaka see this room!!!
Without another word, he bolted out and blocked the door.
"A-ha-ha-ha, Nanaka-nee! What's up?"
"I was just wondering if you've finished tidying up. Do you need any help?"
Nanaka smiled gently, as if she had completely forgotten about the previous incident.
"No, no! There is absolutely no way you can see what's inside my room right now!"
Iori panicked. If Nanaka saw this, forget the drinking party, he might not even be allowed to step outside again!
"Huh? Is it because of what happened earlier…"
"I don't mind that you're a guy."
"I see. Actually, I feel the same about you."
"..."
Silence.
A vast, soul-crushing silence.
Nanaka's eyes lost all light once again.
"A-ha-ha… Sorry, Iori-kun, I need to go make a quick phone call to a friend!"
With that, Nanaka once again ran off in a bizarrely uncoordinated manner!
"I HAVE TO MAKE THE PERFECT ROOM AND GO TO THAT DRINKING PARTY!!!"
Upon re-entering his room, Iori was burning with an unparalleled passion. At this point, simply tidying up his room was meaningless!
"Oh? Is that so?"
"Then we'll help you out, so calm down a little."
"I think drinking pesticide would be a better solution."
"How about swapping the posters for ones of LaLa?"
"..."
Iori, now resembling the CEO of a company, stood before the four others and held a strategy meeting.
"In short, we need to create a room that Nanaka-nee will love!"
"Nanaka's favorite…"
"If it were that easy, we wouldn't be struggling right now."
"How about we put up my photos?"
CRACK!
Shiro was dead. Cause of death: his neck was twisted off…
"Listen up! Nanaka-nee dotes on her little sister, Chisa! Which means, the kind of room she'll like is a pure room!"
A gleam of revelation shone in Iori's eyes, he had found the key to victory!
When Shiro regained consciousness, everything around him had changed. The posters and decorations were still there, but now; every single person's face had been replaced with Chisa's!
"(´・｀;) Am I dreaming? Why is Chisa everywhere? Wait, just now… I think I even saw my great-grandmother."
Shiro curiously looked around, only to see four absolute perverts feverishly pasting Chisa's photos over every image in sight.
"Uhh… What are you guys doing?"
"Creating the perfect room for Nanaka!"
(-ι_- )
Shiro took another look around… then back at Iori, the idiot leading this madness.
He was serious.
Shiro took a silent step back. How the hell is this moron pulling off something this deranged while staying at someone else's house? Does he have no fear of being beaten to death?!
Then suddenly—
Shiro noticed the time!
The drinking party was about to start!
"Uh… Senpai, shouldn't we be heading to the party?"
At Shiro's words, Tokita finally snapped back to reality and said, "Oh, I forgot to mention, the party got postponed due to some issues."
"I see, well… I guess it can't be helped."
Shiro sighed in understanding. This meant he'd actually have the energy to clean up his own room tonight.
However—human joy is never universal.
Iori stood before Tokita, looking utterly betrayed.
"Postponed?"
"Postponed."
"Not today?"
"Not today."
"Wait, WAIT! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!"
Iori's face twisted in agony.
"THEN WHAT THE HELL WAS THE POINT OF EVERYTHING I JUST DID?!!"
Squeak~
"Iori, have some tea..."
Chisa walked in once again without knocking, carrying a tray of tea and snacks.
And then she saw a scene that looked like a crime scene.
How should one describe it? If Shiro took a photo of this room and showed it to the police, Iori might as well go ahead and experience the taste of pork cutlet rice in prison.
—
"Well, don't be so down, Kitahara. Isn't this situation actually pretty good?"
"It completely fits your ideal image of an ordinary freshman."
"Yeah, anyway, let's have a toast to celebrate Iori's new room."
"Cheers!!!"
The four of them somehow got their hands on some alcohol and started drinking right in Iori's new room.
Only Iori himself was kneeling on the floor, utterly devoid of will to live.
Because…
His entire plan had been ruined! He had been kicked out and moved into a storage room-like space!!!
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