(POV: Ava)
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Okay, so hear me out—our group chats are a warzone.
Like, one minute we're sharing memes about existential dread, and the next, Sophia's dropping ten-minute voice notes about a spider in her bathroom. And as much as we love her, her spider-based trauma is... extensive.
So obviously, when we all met at the café that day, she was already deep into retelling The Battle of Eight Legs: Volume IV.
"I'm telling you," she said, wide-eyed, "that thing jumped. Like it had been trained."
Ethan raised an eyebrow. "Spiders don't jump, Soph."
Sophia slammed her iced tea down. "THEN EXPLAIN HOW IT WAS ON THE CEILING AND THEN ON MY SHOE TWO SECONDS LATER."
Leo, silently eating his pasta until now, calmly scrolled through something on his phone.
I leaned over, curious—and paused.
"Uh… Leo?" I said, slowly.
"Yeah?"
There are certain things you expect to see on phone during lunch. Like "a different dish" or "the review of the cafe" or "messaging someone" You do not, under any circumstances, expect to see:
> "Ohh it's the snake I had for a while."
We all paused mid-chew. Sophia choked on her ice tea. Ethan froze with a french fry halfway to his mouth. I slowly turned to Leo.
"...I'm sorry, what?" I said, calm. Too calm. The kind of calm that comes before the storm—or a breakdown.
Leo, as if he had just commented on the weather: "Yeah. A snake. His name was Harold."
Sophia coughed. "HAROLD?!"
Leo nodded. "Harold the Ball Python."
Ethan looked physically unwell. "You had a python?! Like... an actual, fanged, slithering noodle of danger?"
Leo blinked. "Ball pythons are non-venomous. Very docile. Mostly shy."
"That's not the point!" I flailed.
Sophia looked like she was about to pass out. "LEO. You own a snake?!"
Leo, deadpan: "Owned. Past tense."
Ethan screamed. "WHEN?! WHY?! HOW?!"
Leo locked his phone and leaned back like we'd just asked him what he had for breakfast. "During summer break. My neighbor's cousin couldn't keep him anymore."
Sophia: "So naturally, you took him in. As one does. Just casually adopting a reptile."
Leo: "He needed a home."
Ethan was practically vibrating. "And your parents were cool with this?!"
Leo paused. "...They didn't know."
And the table exploded.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DIDN'T KNOW?!" I shrieked.
Leo: "I kept him in my room."
Sophia looked like she was going to cry. "Where? Where in your room does one hide a snake?!"
Leo, with that infuriating calm: "Terrarium. Under the desk."
"You had a whole SNAKE HABITAT in your room and no one noticed?!" Ethan asked, flailing.
Leo shrugged. "They thought it was an aquarium."
A beat of silence.
Ava.exe has stopped working.
I blinked. Twice. "And when did they find out?"
Leo looked up thoughtfully. "...When he escaped."
Sophia dropped her spoon. "HE WHAT?!"
Leo nodded. "Harold got curious. Slithered out one night. My dad found him coiled around the lamp."
Ethan made a squeaking noise.
"What happened next?!" I gasped.
Leo: "He stared at the snake for a bit. Then went back to bed."
"...What?!"
"He thought he was dreaming."
A beat.
Sophia: "Honestly, same."
Leo continued, totally unfazed. "He came back in the morning, saw Harold still there, screamed, and tripped over my desk chair."
Ethan looked like he was malfunctioning. "Your life is an experimental sitcom and we're just side characters."
Leo finished his drink. "Anyway, after that, we had to give Harold away. He's with a rescue group now."
Ava (me), internally: I need to start recording everything he says for science.
Sophia, recovering slightly, opened her phone and typed something into the 'Leo's Nonsense List' without even looking. "Adding 'accidental snake owner' to the roster."
Ethan leaned forward. "So. Serious question. Have you ever done anything... you know... normal?"
Leo tilted his head, looking genuinely curious. "...I've eaten cereal?"
I glanced at Leo. "Anything else you want to confess while we're here? Maybe a secret parrot? A tiger you raised as a cub?"
Leo tilted his head. "No tiger."
Everyone: "..."
Leo: "He was more of a cat. Big guy. Used to nap on my window sill."
Sophia let out a strangled scream.
I threw a napkin at him.
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End of Chapter 27.