Ah, another beautiful morning filled with mind-numbing pain. Truly, what a privilege.
I blinked blearily, my vision sluggish as it struggled to adjust. My skull felt like it had been split open, stitched back together, and then promptly run over by a carriage for good measure. Fantastic.
A dull ache radiated through my limbs, but at least I could feel my wrists again. Small victories, I suppose. I flexed my fingers experimentally, relieved to find that, miraculously, they weren't restrained. Well, that's a first. Maybe they were finally learning.
Then I looked down. A second passed. My brain stalled. They had shackled my legs. I stared at the restraints, utterly baffled. Were they serious? Did they think this was a challenge? My hands were free. Free. Did they expect me to just sit here like a well-behaved little patient and not undo these myself?
A breath of laughter slipped past my lips, sharp and humorless. If I could still feel my face, my jaw would be on the floor.
This is who my father entrusted my suffering to? I let my head fall back against the wall, scoffing. "Really outdone yourselves this time, haven't you dad?"
Silence.
A silence too complete. Too deliberate.
Something in my chest tightened.
Slowly, I turned my head and nearly jolted out of my skin.
The doctor sat opposite me, completely at ease. His gray eyes, sharp with amusement, met mine like he had been watching the entire time.
A slow, knowing smile tugged at his lips.
"Do go on, Noah," he murmured, voice smooth as polished steel. "I was quite enjoying the show."
Another few seconds passed between us. I wouldnt talk to that waste of space voluntarily even if i were to die. The awkward silence made me look around the room. It never really changes, the same blank white walls, the same cold concrete making my feet feel like im walking in ice cold water.
"Noah."
The detached voice made me flinch out of my daily inspection of the walls and floors. I turned my head to face him, making direct eye contact with his ashen gray eyes. No matter what they would do, i wouldnt falter under his heavy pressuring gaze. I still didnt let a single word out, making him sigh in frustration and a hint of amusement. "Still as stubborn as ever, arent you?"
You bet your ass I am, you disfigured, baldheaded belt breaker. I kept my face blank, but my fingers curled into the fabric of my bedsheet, the only betrayal of my thoughts. Maybe that's why he's single-- because his forehead is so big it's trying to eclipse the goddamn sun.
The doctor leaned forward slightly, his fingers laced together in that infuriatingly calm way of his. Like he had all the time in the world. Like he wasn't sitting across from someone who would rather chew glass than have this conversation.
"You seem… displeased," he mused. "Why is that, I wonder?" I stared at him, expression blank. Silence was the only weapon I had in here, and I intended to wield it like a damn sword. He tilted his head, studying me as if I were some rare specimen under glass. "Nothing to say?" Nothing that won't get me drugged into oblivion, I thought.
A beat of silence stretched between us.
Then, with a sigh, he leaned back against his chair. "Very well. Let's start with something simple." He gestured vaguely. "How do you feel?"
I blinked at him slowly.
"How do I feel?" I repeated, voice flat.
"Yes."
Oh, you know. Like someone cracked my skull open and rearranged a few things while they were in there. Like my body isn't quite mine anymore. Like I'm drowning in a reality that shifts every time I try to grasp it.
I didn't say any of that.
Instead, I stared at him.
"....I see. And what do you remember from yesterday's session?"
My jaw tightened.
That was a trick question.
They wanted me to say I remembered nothing. That would prove their little experiments were "working." But if I admitted I remembered something, even just flashes, I'd never see the end of it. They'd pick apart every detail, twist it, reshape it, use it against me. I lowered my gaze slightly, letting the silence stretch. He exhaled, long and slow, like a disappointed teacher. "Noah."
Nothing.
"Noah, answer me."
Still nothing.
I could feel him watching me, feel the way his sharp eyes tried to dissect every twitch, every shift in my posture. And I gave him nothing.
Because if there was one thing I had left, it was the ability to deny him what he wanted.
And I'd hold onto that for as long as I could.
With another exhale of the air he wasnt deserving of, the doctor abruptly stood up, making me flinch. Walking towards me, his steps slow and calculating, like every step he takes is to make me unnerve, which by the way, wasnt working at all, he stopped directly above my still lying body as if studying it.
I felt disgust creeping up my spine by the way he was studying my body, as if i was an alien, an inhuman creature. Shaking my thoughts off, i closed my eyes again. I was tired. So so tired. But what was i if not petty?
I cant help but play the long game even if it meant i had to play their sick version of simon says. Except in this one, the rules twist like a knife, the commands slip under my skin, and I never know when the next move will carve away another piece of me. But they will slip up someday and i will take that chance at all cost.
"Noah, you're daydreaming again, care to tell me whats on your mind?"
I snapped my eyes open, my blood running cold. My eyes immediately moved to the syringe stuck to my right arm, immediately feeling the numbness thats spreading out, like a virus. My mind lagged for a second. dread was slowly crawling up my spine, making the hair at the back of my neck stand up. I knew this feeling and i knew what it was supposed to do.
Sodium Thiopental. A drug that's supposed to slow down brain activity making people disoriented but more talk active, also known as a truth serum.
Panic started to set in as i lunged for the syringe, fingers wrapping around it in a desperate grip, yanking, but it was too late. My limbs felt heavy, sluggish, like I was swimming through tar, and my thoughts, God, my thoughts, they were slipping. A thick fog creeping in at the edges, softening everything, dragging me under.
I gritted my teeth, trying to fight it.
No. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
If he thought some cheap drug would break me, he truly didnt get to know me at all during the 4 years i have been stuck in this hellhole.
I held my breath. Counting the dark spots in my vision. My lungs burned. My body screamed for air. But I held on. If I passed out before the drug could take effect, it wouldn't work. I just had to-
Hands. Pulling my jaw wide open. I gasped, my lungs betraying me, just like my father, dragging in a desperate breath.
The doctor's voice was smooth, cruelly patient. "Noah, do you really think your childish games will work?"
His gaze flickered over my trembling fingers, the way I fought my own body.
"You're only making this harder for yourself."
Goddamn it.
The universe was really out to get me.