Noah let out a long, tired sigh. "Okay. Real talk. How long does it take to get to this king's place?"
The wizards — who had been leading him through what felt like the world's longest hallway — didn't even break stride.
The lead wizard simply turned his head slightly and said, "We must first leave the Summoning Chamber before we can teleport outside."
Noah frowned. "Okay. But why is this hallway so damn long?"
"Ah," one of the older wizards said, stroking his beard. "It was designed by our ancestors for a very important reason."
Noah arched a brow. "And that reason is?"
The lead wizard cleared his throat. "Well… The first hero we summoned, over a hundred years ago, tried to run away."
Noah stopped walking.
"…What?"
The wizards nodded solemnly, like they were recounting some kind of tragic war story. "Yes. The hero took one look at us, screamed that we were 'a bunch of lunatics in bathrobes,' and tried to escape."
Noah tried — really tried — to suppress the laugh that was bubbling up in his chest. "So let me get this straight. You made the hallway longer so that future heroes would be too exhausted to run away?"
Another wizard — this one a bit younger — piped up, "It is quite effective, actually!"
"Oh yeah? How many heroes did you test this on?"
The wizards suddenly found the walls very interesting.
Noah groaned.
Of course. This was his life now. Trapped in a medieval fever dream, being escorted by wizards with questionable architectural decisions.
He dragged a hand down his face. "Great. That's just fantastic."
Still, he had to admit — it was working.
His legs were starting to ache, and any rebellious thoughts of bolting in the opposite direction were quickly fading.
After what felt like a lifetime, they finally stepped outside, and Noah inhaled deeply.
'Fresh air. Finally.'
And just as he was about to relish in the simple joy of not being in that endless hallway…
He saw her.
A woman, dressed in long flowing robes, stood in the clearing.
Her staff — carved with strange glowing runes — rested against her shoulder.
She had long silver hair that caught the sunlight and an air of elegance that made her seem like some mystical sage.
Then, she licked her lips.
At him.
Noah froze.
"Uh." He took a step back. "Weird much?"
The woman tilted her head, smiling. "So this is the new hero?"
The lead wizard nodded. "Indeed. He is the one chosen by the prophecy."
She hummed and looked him up and down, eyes lingering just a bit too long.
Then, with a slow, deliberate movement, she licked her lips again.
Noah pointed at her. "Okay, no. No. What is this? What's happening right now?"
One of the wizards coughed awkwardly. "Ahem. Hero, please pay her no mind. She is merely… a big fan."
"A big fan?" Noah repeated, eyes narrowing. "That's what we're calling this?"
Another wizard stepped in. "She has always been, uh, enthusiastic about heroes."
"Uh-huh." Noah crossed his arms. "Enthusiastic how?"
The silver-haired woman smirked, twirling her staff lazily. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
Noah took another step back. "Nope. No, I would not. In fact, I would like to not be involved in whatever this is."
The wizards ignored his suffering.
The woman — who Noah had already mentally labeled as Suspicious Wizard Lady — tapped her staff against the ground.
A warm pink light spread beneath them, forming intricate symbols that pulsed with magic.
Noah blinked. "Wait, pink? Why is the teleportation magic pink?"
The youngest wizard beamed. "She specializes in affection-based teleportation magic!"
Noah paled. "I — I'm sorry, what?"
The wizard cleared his throat. "Love magic."
Noah turned to Suspicious Wizard Lady. "Please tell me he's lying."
She just winked.
Before Noah could fully process how much he hated his life, the light around them flashed, and in the blink of an eye —
They were gone.
…
When the light faded, Noah stumbled forward, barely catching himself before he fell.
Teleportation was not a fun experience. It was like being thrown into a washing machine filled with static electricity.
Shaking off the dizziness, he looked around.
They were now inside a massive palace.
The floor beneath him was polished marble, so pristine that he could see his own reflection.
Tall windows lined the hallway, sunlight streaming in through elegant golden drapes. Everything about this place screamed wealth and power.
Noah let out a low whistle. "Okay. Gotta admit, this place is fancy as hell."
Before the wizards could respond, a loud voice boomed from the distance.
"The Hero has arrived!"
Noah jumped at the sudden announcement.
Down the hall, a group of knights and well-dressed nobles had gathered, all staring at him with an odd mixture of awe and curiosity.
Then he realized —
They were all looking at his outfit.
One of the nobles — a man with a mustache so glorious it deserved its own title — squinted at him. "Is this… truly the Hero?"
Another noble whispered to the person beside him. "His garments… They are so… simple."
"Such modesty!" someone gasped dramatically.
Noah groaned, dragging a hand down his face. "Oh my god, can we stop talking about my clothes?!"
A knight — who looked like he belonged on the cover of a historical romance novel — stepped forward and cleared his throat. "We apologize, Hero. We merely… expected something more regal."
Noah threw his hands up. "I'm sorry I'm not dressed like a golden chandelier!"
Silence.
Suspicious Wizard Lady laughed softly. "I like him."
Noah ignored her completely.
Before anyone else could start judging his fashion choices, a set of massive doors at the end of the hall swung open.
An elderly man stepped forward, draped in ornate royal robes.
His crown — decorated with gems that were probably worth more than Noah's entire college tuition — sat proudly atop his head.
The King of Solmaria had arrived.
Noah inhaled sharply.
'Alright. Here we go.'
'This is the... big moment.'
Then, in the most dignified, heroic way possible, he asked:
"…So, does this world have coffee?"
Silence.
One of the nobles fainted.