"Are you hungry, Naruto?" Menma asked casually as they walked together. After losing to Kakashi (very unfortunately), he was starting to feel the hunger kick in.
"Brother, Naruto's not hungry! From now on, I'll eat less," Naruto said earnestly.
Menma chuckled and lightly scolded, "Idiot. If you dare eat less, I'll beat you up."
He knew exactly what Naruto was worried about. So he added, "Don't worry about money. You have to remember—Grandpa Third is loaded. Just go to him for anything! And when we grow up, we'll make lots of money and pay him back."
Naruto nodded, and a bright smile bloomed on his face again.
"Let's go eat ramen," Naruto suggested cheerfully.
Menma nodded. "Sure."
The two headed toward Ichiraku Ramen.
On the way, Naruto asked curiously, "Brother, do you know magic?"
"Magic?" Menma blinked.
"I saw so many of you earlier!" Naruto said, eyes sparkling.
He was already imagining the possibilities: one "Naruto" to do homework, one to study, one to clean the house—and he could lie in bed all day!
"Oh! That's the Shadow Clone Technique. I'll teach it to you later," Menma said, ruffling his hair.
Naruto nodded enthusiastically, like a bobblehead.
As expected of my brother—he knew what I was thinking before I even said it!
But first… Menma would have to deal with that annoying chakra parasite inside Naruto.
"Uncle Teuchi! Two bowls of ramen!" Menma called out as they reached the door of Ichiraku.
"Got it! Coming right up, Menma!" Teuchi replied cheerfully.
Menma, huh? Besides my disciple, who else in this village could name their kid that…?
A tall man sitting inside turned at the sound. He had long white hair flowing down his back, red lines under his eyes, and a forehead protector with the word "oil" engraved on it. He wore a red haori over brown clothes, and his sharp gaze settled on the two boys at the door.
Jiraiya's eyes widened.
At the same time, Menma's smile disappeared. He yanked Naruto back.
"Stay away from that long-haired weirdo," he warned.
Naruto nodded, staring curiously at the strange man.
Eh? Stay away? Am I scary or something? I'm not Orochimaru for crying out loud...
"You there, brat! Why are you avoiding me?" the man asked with mild irritation.
"Because my mom told me to," Menma replied flatly.
Mom?
Jiraiya squinted. Who the heck badmouthed me? Tsunade? No way...
"Who's your mom?"
"Uzumaki Kushina."
WHAT?!
Jiraiya leapt to his feet.
Kushina?! Then that means... they're Minato's sons!
He rushed forward, eyes wide. "Hello! I was your dad's teacher! You can call me Grampa!"
Dad? Teacher?
Naruto looked confused, but Menma simply said, "Sorry. We don't know you."
"I'm really your goddamn teacher! Name's Jiraiya! One of the Legendary Sannin!" Jiraiya insisted, looking downright pitiful.
Menma narrowed his eyes, then grinned.
"Oh yeah? If you're really my master, how about you prove it? Go beat up the guy who bullied me—then maybe I'll believe you."
Hooked, Menma thought smugly. No way Jiraiya loses to Kakashi.
"Bullied you? Who dares to lay a hand on my disciple's kid?!" Jiraiya yelled, eyes burning with fury.
"Hatake Kakashi," Menma said calmly.
Jiraiya blinked.
"…Kakashi?"
"That's right."
"…How did he bully you?" Jiraiya asked skeptically. Kakashi wasn't the type.
Menma stayed silent.
Then Naruto chimed in innocently:
"White-haired old man, that nasty Kakashi poked my brother's butt and made him scream in pain!"
BAM!
Menma punched Naruto on the head.
"OWWWWWWWWW!"
If this isn't Kushina's kid, I'll eat my own manuscript.
Red hair? Violent outbursts? Definitely hers.
"Don't worry, I'll handle Kakashi right now," Jiraiya said, vanishing in a flash.
"Wait! You haven't paid yet!" Uncle Teuchi shouted after him.
Jiraiya never came back.
Teuchi turned to the two boys with a smile.
"Menma, Naruto… he's your master, right? Can I put it on your tab?"
Naruto looked up at his brother, uncertain.
Menma sighed.
The man scammed me the second we met. What a poison pill.
"I'll pay."
Teuchi beamed. "Thanks, Menma!"
As they sat down, Menma grumbled,
"Naruto, stay away from Jiraiya from now on. If he scams us again, no ramen for a month."
"Wha—?!"
Naruto froze, as if lightning had struck him.
"No Ichiraku… for a month?!"
Naruto clutched his head in agony.
"Damn you, white-haired monster! I'll never forgive you!"
In his grief, Naruto turned sorrow into appetite and downed three bowls of ramen—before collapsing into a food coma.
After paying, the brothers waved goodbye to Teuchi and left.
As they stepped outside, Menma checked his pockets.
Running low on funds again… Guess it's time to go see Grandpa Third.
Elsewhere, at Kakashi's house...
Jiraiya stood before it, cracking his knuckles. He extended his hand and began forming a spinning blue orb.
"Rasengan!"
He slammed the ball into the wall.
"Chidori!"
A surge of lightning met the Rasengan—boom!—and the two attacks canceled each other out.
Jiraiya was knocked back but flipped gracefully mid-air and landed on both feet.
The wall exploded, and Kakashi stepped out of the rubble.
"That's right," Jiraiya said. "Come out here, Kakashi."
"What do you want, Master Jiraiya?" Kakashi asked, staring at his ruined wall in dismay.
"Are you a pervert or what? You poked Menma's ass?! He's just a kid!"
Kakashi: "…"
Pot, meet kettle. Who in Konoha has a worse reputation than YOU?!
"I can explain!" Kakashi tried, but it was too late.
Jiraiya was already charging at him.
The two clashed hard, blowing away rooftops, trees, and egos. Their battle led them far beyond the village—to the back mountain.
At the Hokage's Office...
"Hokage-sama!" a masked Anbu knelt before the Third.
"Jiraiya-sama and Kakashi are fighting in the back mountain!"
"What?! Why?!"
The Anbu gave a full report.
The Third Hokage sighed deeply, rubbing his temples.
"...Menma..."
(End Of Chapter)
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