It was a truly long while before Suna left that cave.
She felt like she had been sent back to square one. Back to distrusting every member of humanity, fiercely. But she knew. Deep down, she knew, that the things they went through together, the things they faced alongside each other, what they did for each other – those things were not trivial. Angie truly meant a lot to Suna. She was the antithesis to Suna's selfish way of life. One that radiated a certain care and humanity, things she seemed to lack. The way Angie looked at her, right before those bells started ringing – it was stuck in her mind. Pained doubt.
Thinking extensively only hurt Suna, bringing her great pain. But she didn't run away from it. She dove head first into her sea of emotions, once she felt she was ready. Simply ignoring them, forgetting about hurtful things, not only was that something she disliked the idea of, she doubted it was even possible to truly crush the ocean of feeling within her. So the next best thing was to learn about herself. Discover herself. Amidst a sea of pain.
It simply hurt. Any reminiscence or thought about Angie simply hurt her, as if they were all tainted by some corrosive quality; it all hurt. Suna thought to herself. Is leaving truly the right thing? What if it was all an outburst, what if it was simply her emotions rising too far? Surely she didn't actually mean those things, right? Was our promise so shallow and light? Does she actually think I'm responsible for Cyra's death? But whenever she started to lean positively regarding such topics, a very heavy acquaintance made themselves known.
Who are you kidding? Don't tell me you're an actual amnesiac, do you you not remember the way she pummeled you, the way she looked at you, the way she abhorred you? You really think any part of her isn't out to get you? You seriously think that your flimsy, fragile, joke of a 'bond' is anything at all? You two just happened to be with each other. All happenstance. When did you two actually choose to be with each other? I'm sure she's glad to be on her own now, rid of the likes of you. Hehe, pathetic.
It was hard for her to fight against these words. She knew that they were wrong, that there was clear proof that her and Angie meant a lot to each other, but the uncertainty seemed to loom over her. She started to doubt herself, doubt everything she ever did, doubt her actions towards others on Yrma and that Mother – was she a monster? An inhuman monster, incapable of the most basic empathy? Is that why Angie broke off with her? Because she began to see under her exterior, and started to see her deeper parts, herself, as ugly? If everyone else in the world thinks I'm a disgusting monster except for myself, who's really right? Aren't I just a monster at that point?
The doubt seemed to writhe in her stomach and grow, expand, fold in on itself, spreading throughout her body. It was unsettling.
The more she tackled her emotions, the worse her conclusions. She wasn't getting anywhere. She was getting restless, staying in one place for too long. But at the same time, she didn't want to interact with others if they were only going to hate her and beat her up.
I guess… I don't mind acting on my own for awhile.
Suna's legs reflected her newfound, shaky resolve. They moved. She got out from under her pack, and left the cave.
Some small part of her, that wished to reconcile and rejoin with Angie, that Hoped for all of yesterday to have been some mistake… it lost to the rest of her, dwarfed by her doubt and hurt. Suna recollected herself, and set out.
It was interesting. The fauna seemed to be stronger than they were in the forest she first arrived at. The critters were faster, the predators smarter and stronger, even the plants seemed to exude more "life" – it was a peculiar thing to observe. She paid little heed to most of them. She blitzed her way through the forest, using the sun as guidance to know that she wasn't simply returning to Geth territory. Unfortunately, the map in her head which James used seemed to primarily depict specifically that region of the Outer Edges. She was getting close to the edge of that map. She was likely going to need more information. Ugh. She really did not want to interact with more humans. But it was likely going to be inevitable. She mentally prepared herself. She promised herself that she wouldn't fall for the same traps, that her abnormal insides would be safe inside her, safe from judging eyes. This… made her sad. But she felt she had to do it. She couldn't risk the same heartache again. If she had to feel twice the pain she was feeling right now, she wondered if her heart would simply shatter.
Yells and screams.
…Ugh.
Suna made her way towards the commotion.
A group of hunters seemed to be scattered about, in varying levels of disarray and hurt. She counted 5, but she didn't get it. Why were they all just slowly crawling and hobbling away? If they were trying to get themselves away from the danger, they were doing a laughably terrible job at it.
The danger in question was some sort of bipedal beast. It had scales, and it was rather large and muscly. But its height did not exceed three stacked Sunas. It seemed to be closing in on one of the hunters, whose legs must've been crippled by a bashing attack. Suna rolled her eyes at these incompetent goofs.
"HEY!" She yelled at the beast, which whipped its head back towards the unknown source of noise. Just as it finished that motion, Suna threw two of her knives, which glided through the air, quickly impacting both of its eyes.
"ROAAARRRR!!!" The beast began thrashing in panic. Suna looked at who seemed to be the mage of the group. "A-, Uh-, A-,
Bide d-d-d-de Mon-
Bi- Ah-, Uh-"
Suna facepalmed. She normally wouldn't get close to such a strong, unpredictable beast, but she didn't want it to accidentally flatten one of the people, who may as well have been stuck to the ground the way they sat there, motionless, eyes wide.
She leaped, easily vaulting the beast three times her height. She grabbed one of the protruding spikes that came out of the beast's back and neck, and she slashed its neck with her knife, which pierced the scaly hide easily.
"RAAAGH, ROAAAAgghhh… raaaaghhhh…" It quickly bled out, and Suna took the first opportunity she got to launch herself off and away from the beast, which tumbled down into the dirt, dying. She made sure to retrieve her knives after it completely stopped moving.
The onlookers sat there. Only after an obscene amount of time did the mage come back to reality, healing the most injured among them. Suna let out a sigh, and continued her hasty footsteps.
"W-Wait! Thank you! Thank you for saving our lives! What's your name? What Hunter's Group are you a part of?" An older man erupted into thanks, shock still plastered on his face yet mustering enough composure to speak, unlike the other members of his party. "The parts! You should take the parts!" But his words fell on deaf ears. Suna just continued walking, reconsidering her evaluations of James' group.
Soon, other words of thanks were tossed her way. She paid them no heed. I'm wasting time. She hoped these sorts of groups weren't commonplace, otherwise she felt she would never make progress.
Actually, speaking of making progress… Where was she going? What was she doing? She had been so engrossed in some sort of vague pursuit of strength and knowledge of this world, she never really stopped to consider. What exactly should I be doing right now? She, of course, remembered Ei's words. To simply follow her footsteps. She had been doing that for a good while now. But… wasn't it kind of aimless? Was that really the fastest way for her to grow stronger? Actually… why exactly did she want to grow stronger? Because that was all she pursued to survive on Yrma? She wasn't in that World anymore. Couldn't she just find a cave to hide in for the rest of her life, away from the Geth, and experience some peace for once? She couldn't actually come up with a good, relevant reason to grow stronger at that moment. And it kind of scared her. Why… Why am I doing any of this? Why suffer? Why push myself, if it's just going to hurt me? These thoughts plagued her, as she dashed through the open plains. What exactly was she looking for? She didn't really know. But. There was a part of her. One that needed to become stronger. It wasn't flimsy. It wasn't a whim. It wasn't her wish to repay Ei. It was more than a simple desire, or dream. It was… an inevitability. She couldn't wrap her head around it. But she willingly submit herself to the inevitability. And she continued her steps.
–
Eventually, after a few days, she came across a small city of sorts. It wasn't heavily fortified, but its modest walls couldn't hide the hustle and bustle, the life of the city. Her first thought was to get a replacement for her robe, which had been corroded through at certain parts, but… That's right. I have no money. She entrusted their money to Angie, never asking for any of it. She didn't really regret that decision; she had no concern or attachment to wealth. But it was inconvenient, being unable to purchase a new robe, or replenish her throwing knives. She maybe could've settled for a simpler garb, but… she was getting used to the comfort and efficacy of the well-designed robe. She needed money. So she tried to locate the Hunter's building.
She wasn't getting any luck. She wanted to talk to the least amount of people possible, and that meant not asking for directions. So she wandered around. She ended up observing a lot of different kinds of people. But perhaps the most surprising of them all were the happy ones. Kids with smiles plastered on their faces as they played amongst each other, hunters that were able to bargain a good deal at a stand, common folk that conversed happily with one another at open-air restaurants and parks. This is too abnormal. There's too much, it has to be feigned. But even Suna knew, just how stupid that thought sounded. They were simply happy. She had never encountered so much of it at once before, ever, in her entire life. It was almost creepy and unsettling for her, as if it simply couldn't possibly be real. Aren't the Geth, like, right there? How can they afford to be so complacent, and happy? She didn't get it. She could just imagine herself yelling that forbidden word, and causing everyone to stare at her with those cold eyes. And she got it, now. She knew just what kind of atrocities they commonly enacted. The terrible things they did to people. It made complete sense that everyone would be put on edge just at the mention of their horrid name. She probably would react the same way if someone else said that word. But… But those atrocious things, it took me less than a couple weeks of running get here from their territory… It just doesn't make sense. These people don't seem to be hiding their despair, they seem to be actually, genuinely happy. I don't get it…
"Hey, girl, feeling hungry?" A stand owner called out to her.
"Huh? Oh, sorry, I was on my way to the Hunter's building, to make some money."
"I thought I didn't recognize you, haha, did you splurge recently? You should really have some saved up for a rainy day, you know, hahahah!" He pulled a fresh skewer from his stand, "How about I give you a little sample, and then you come back when you get a little extra cash, huh? If you like it, of course." He bore a wide grin as he stuck out his wide arm, extending out a skewer adorned with some sort of meat and vegetables, glazed in a dark brown sauce. It… looked appetizing, to say the least.
"Oh, uh, thank you. I'll come back when I get some spare change, then." Suna fidgeted a bit from the unexpected act of kindness as she reached her small hand out to accept the offering. She bowed slightly to the man, whose wide smile almost infected Suna, and she continued her search for the Hunter's building.
The man saw the cute girl retrace her steps, walking backwards towards the stand.
"Back for more so soon, huh? Hahaha!"
"Oh, uh no, um actually, do you think…" She fidgeted, looking side to side, her shoulders scrunched closer together. She was chewing. Talking with her mouth open.
"Gulp, Do you happen to know where the Hunter's building is?"
The man looked at her, before erupting into laughter. "Hahahahah! You don't even know where you're going, girl?" He slapped his knee. She blushed, in embarrassment. "Haha, look, it's down that road, you take the second right, and keep going, and it'll be on your left. Got it?" Suna gave a quick nod and another bow.
"Th-Thank you, mister…" Her voice was small as it squeaked out of her throat, but the man picked up on it anyways through the drone of the surrounding bustle.
"Hahah, you're welcome, miss! Try not to get lost again, hahaha!"
Suna pouted as she hastily walked away from that uncomfortable interaction. He's making fun of me… She stewed in her apparent distaste for the gruff, outgoing man, but it was short-lived. She made her way, following the directions, until she came across a familiar-looking building. It wasn't exactly the same as the one in New Vall, but the overall design and architecture were clearly related. This one… seemed to have a lot more people coming and going through its doors. It was a lot of people… Come on, Suna, you've done this before! It's no big deal… Her internal resolve did not show at all through her fidgety steps and uncertain posture.
She entered through the wide doors of the Hunter's building.