The weather was infuriatingly great, the sun was shining with a mellow brightness to it. The cool breeze as we drove to the courthouse carried with it a heady tropical scent that depicted lush hills and cool springs. I had taken enough pills to calm a rabid dog. Emotionally, I was in a coma at least until the effects of the pills wore off. Sunshine sat next to me, staring out the window. She was in a form-fitting red dress, a far cry from her usually black or grey grandmother gowns she usually had on.
She had taken her time to put on makeup, so meticulously that her scar was nowhere in sight. Seeing her all dolled up was somewhat of a shock to me. Gone was the dreary soul I had found a kinship with, and in her place was a vibrant young woman. She had put on long hair extensions that fanned around her face in luxurious black curls that highlighted her amber eyes. I had never noticed it before, but Sunshine has beautiful features, a sharp jawline on a symmetrical face, and wide eyes, their size emphasized by her small yet sharp nose. Her lips, painted red, seemed more luscious than usual.
I quickly whipped my head around just as she started to turn, I did not want her to catch me staring; she hated it when I did. I was especially grateful for her today, were it not for her rather adamant persistence that I put on a full face of makeup, I would have gone to court disheveled at best. She had meticulously done my face until the dark eye bags and the worry line that had been etched onto my face had disappeared. I couldn't help the gasp that had escaped my lips when I caught sight of her handywork. The shell of a person I had slowly disintegrated into was nowhere in sight. It was as if with each brush stroke and each pat she slowly and surely pumped life into my frame until I looked human again.
She had picked out a white knee-long official dress, with a thigh-high slit and a pair of red stilettos and some complimenting jewelry. I stretched my hand out of the moving vehicle and was rewarded by a strong gust that required effort to resist. More thrilling yet was the way the light from the sun glowed on my skin, and for the first time in forever, I was not disgusted by being alive. It could have also been the cocktail of prescription pills I had taken, a thought that was confirmed when the court finally came into view. The last time I had been here, breathing had been a laborious chore which I had successfully failed at. I never made it in because the idea of seeing his face broke me in a way I could not explain.
We made our way to the courtroom I had been instructed to go to, and each step of the way Sunshine's body was in some way or form in contact with mine. The white pristine walls of the corridor seemed comical, and our echoing steps strangely sounded like a hammer coming down on nails. Today was meant to be the day of reckoning, the form of retribution, yet to be determined, but one thing was certain: there was no justice to be found within these walls. Originally a suspicion, the moment I walked into that room and came face to face with my father, my certainty grew on the gross miscarriage of justice that would take place today. Affirming my fears did little to ease the tightly wound resolve as fear gave way to unadulterated anger. Starting from today, only hell awaited these men.
Once the judge sat, a judge who happened to be a beer buddy of my father, the bane of my existence was finally brought in. He looked good for a man who had spent the last three months in prison. He had one of his expensive suits on and a Rolex watch that could probably buy out the entire courthouse. He was smiling, I guess, he knew he was walking out of here a freeman. My heart rate picked up, not enough to illicit a reaction, but enough for me to send a silent thanks to my pills for the hundredth time that day. I wanted to be present to have this memory imprinted into my mind, a stark reminder that I could only ever rely on myself. Without meaning to, I found my mind free-falling, taking me back to the nightmare that had derailed my life and my sense of self.
My life has been arguably shitty and I have had my fair share of rock bottoms that always seemed to be endless. If I were honest with myself, I had enabled some of the abusive behavior that I had come to associate with normalcy. How bad could the poor rich girl have it, so I bit my tongue and chose to be grateful for the plenty that I had. Everyone I called family, the people who were meant to be in my corner regardless of my shortcomings, were no better than my enemies. They took joy in my downfalls, and some plotted to take advantage of my weakness.
The only person who rallied and stood by my side was my best friend, and losing her broke me in new and mind-blowing ways. If she had simply left me, I would have found a way to move on, but she had fallen prey to the monsters close to me. The one person in the world who showed nothing but love for me, lighting up my dim life, had been stomped out by the darkness she kept me from. I would never let myself properly breathe again until her murderer was caught and justice was served. If not by the courts, then by my very hand, hands that failed to protect her.
"Hello?" Claire's scared voice filtered through the earpiece, choking with tears.
"Hey honey, what's wrong? Where are you?"
I called out, jumping to my feet, already heading for the door, only pausing for my car keys. There was a long pause during which I managed to get to my car. There was nothing but sniffles on the other side of the phone, causing my heart to plummet further. I did not want to rush her, but I could only help her if I knew where she was.
"Where are you? Tell me so I can come get you… babe."
"I went to his place to let him know that you will never be his wife. I just wanted him to leave you alone."
Her sniffles morphed into a flood of tears that she choked on, but even her cough sounded like she was struggling to breathe, and the action was putting an unbearable strain on her. My heart stopped mid-plummet and froze over. I knew whom she was talking about, and without even realizing it, I was already on the road heading to Mathew, my so-called fiancé's place. My family members were monsters, but their humble beginnings kept them in check. My fiancé, on the other hand, had never known suffering and was indifferent to others' pain.
"Something is wrong with me, it hurts to breathe, and I feel dizzy," her increasingly frail voice came through again, icing the blood in my veins."
"I am on my way, babe. Tell me what he did to you. I am going to kill him, I swear." The fear in my voice seeped into the space around me, suffocating me in its hold
"He had some of his guys rough me up. I think something is broken. I am in so much pain all over. I am scared."
I hit the steering wheel, lashing at the object, a white flash of anger coursed through me as I floored the accelerator. Anyone can take a couple of hits, but not my best friend and her weak bones. A small tumble usually landed her in a hospital.
"Hold on, babe, focus on breathing. I'm on my way to his house."
"No!" The feeble outburst had her choking tears clouding my vision as a sense of impending doom engulfed my body, holding my feet down. I weaved past cars on the road, ignoring their shouts. At that moment, I realized just how much she meant to me, my life would be empty without her in it. I had to get to her, she was hurting because she wanted to protect me.
"They threw me out at the junction near his place. Please hurry, I don't feel so good," she finally said
I was ten minutes away, and I hated that I couldn't go any faster; I wished I had taken my brother's sports car. Those ten minutes passed with me gripping the steering wheel while my foot never lifted from that accelerator. With each passing second, her breath became more and more labored while my useless tears stained my shirt as terror tightened its grip on my neck, holding my reasoning captive. All I knew was that I had to get to her.
When she finally came into view, I let out a sigh of relief, which quickly morphed into a gasp of terror seeing the blood flowing from her lips. I was screaming bloody murder before my brain could even comprehend the severity of the situation. I jumped out of the car before it fully came to a stop and stumbled slightly, but was next to her in seconds. As soon as I held her body went limp like she had used every ounce of her remaining strength to wait for me. The unrelenting stream of tears blinded me as I held her in my arms.
It took me a minute to gather myself and lift her as gently as I could off the ground; she needed medical attention. My car had moved a few paces before stopping, I quickly went to my car. There was no one around, and the nearest hospital was fifteen minutes away; taking her to the hospital would be faster than waiting for an ambulance. I lay as gently as possible on the passenger seat, lowered it so she was more comfortable, and strapped her in. Before I could close the door, she tugged at my sleeve, redirecting my attention to her face.
"I love you…so much more than you will ever know," she said before her eyes fluttered shut.
That was the last time I saw her eyes; I never even had the chance to tell her I loved her back. She died doing what she believed was best for me. I had to watch as her murder was acquitted under bullshit pretexts after a few months in custody. She was on his property, the judge concluded, and acted aggressively. The main cause of her death was a pre-existing medical condition, and as such, he could not be held liable for her death. All his charges were dismissed.
Sunshine held my hands as we made our way to the car, but not quickly enough as I caught sight of the bastard laughing with my father. There was no way that this healthy man had spent a single second in custody. The pills that had cocooned my emotions slowly dissipated under the weight of my hysteria. I had held it in for as long as I could, and it was demanding to be let out. I wailed into the empty fields, grateful that no one was around to witness my world crumble around me once again. My raw scream filled the air while my feet crumpled beneath me. I fell to the dirt, grateful for the sharp stones that dug into my skin, bringing relief masked in pain. How dare they laugh while she lay rotting. They would know pain, it didn't matter what I had to do to ensure it.