I sometimes yearn for the ability to switch off my humanity and be free from the pain.
The other day in the cafeteria, it hurt to see all of them laughing. I had been bullied before, called names, whispered about in hallways, but this—this was humiliation on a whole new level. And I knew this would become a part of their routine now. Every single day, another excuse to break me a little more.
I looked at the mirror, at the dark bags under my eyes. I was exhausted. Sleep had been a distant dream, and now, I was paying the price for it. I just wanted a normal day—a day where I didn't feel like the walls were closing in.
Dragging myself out of my thoughts, I got ready for school and made my way to the dining hall. Mehusa was already there, pouring coffee, her sharp eyes studying me.
"Comment te sens-tu maintenant?" (How are you feeling now?) she asked, her voice soft.
"Mieux," (Better) I answered, forcing the fakest smile I could manage.
She wasn't fooled. "What happened in school the other day, chérie? You know you can talk to me, right?"
I bit my lip, my throat tightening. I didn't want to talk about it. Not with her, not with anyone. "Mehusa, please. I don't want to talk about it."
"But chérie—"
I cut her off before she could say anything else, stepping out of the house without looking back. I knew she was just worried, but talking wouldn't fix anything. People who cared always ended up leaving. It was better not to burden anyone with my problems.
I reached school, parked my car, and dragged myself to class. The hours passed in a blur, exhaustion weighing down on me like a stone. By lunchtime, I just wanted to be alone. I made my way to the farthest corner of the cafeteria, where no one could see me, and started eating my lunch.
Hmmm. The burger is good. They should give more fries, though. Well, big surprise—I love fries.
I was lost in my food when a bag suddenly landed beside me. My body tensed on instinct, but when I looked up, I saw Evelyn. She was smiling as she set her tray down and took a seat beside me.
"God, I hate Thursdays. Worst day ever," she groaned, stuffing a nacho into her mouth. "I mean, regular classes all day? Ugh. You feel the same, right?"
I blinked at her, confused. What is she doing here? Why is she sitting with me? My mind flooded with questions.
"Hello? Liv?" She waved a hand in front of my face, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"What... what are you doing here?" My voice came out sharper than I intended.
She raised an eyebrow. "Well, hello to you too," she said sarcastically. When I didn't react, she sighed. "I told you I'd talk to you today. I looked for you in the morning, but you were nowhere to be found."
She continued eating like this was normal. Like sitting with me wasn't social suicide.
"You shouldn't sit here," I muttered, glancing around nervously. "You shouldn't talk to me."
She scoffed. "And why is that?"
"You don't know what they'll do to you if you talk to me."
Her expression didn't change. "As if I care," she said, rolling her eyes. "Listen, filles (babes), I don't care what they do, and neither should you. Liv, you're stronger than this. You can't let them terrify you."
I swallowed hard. "You don't understand, Evelyn. I'm not afraid of them. I'm afraid of getting close to someone again... and having my heart ripped apart."
Evelyn frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Nothing important." I quickly diverted my gaze—right towards the jocks' table. And him.
Asher Wells.
Flashback
The boy who once claimed to have a crush on me.
Working at Café Décluse wasn't ideal, but it was better than being home. No friends, no weekend plans, a family that despised me—the café was my escape. And for a while, the only person I had was Asher Wells.
He was a junior football player, an introvert. A year ago, after a big game, I found him sitting alone on an empty bench while I waited for Carter.
"Didn't expect to see someone sitting alone after winning by so many points," I said, approaching him.
His head snapped up. "Do you know me?"
I hesitated. I didn't. He was a junior and hadn't played many matches. I must have taken too long to answer because he let out a small chuckle.
"I'm Asher Wells," he introduced himself.
"Oh, I—" I started to reply, but he cut me off.
"Come on, everyone in this school knows you, Olivia Price."
My face burned. I always blushed when people mentioned my popularity, even if it wasn't for good reasons.
"Why is Olivia Price talking to me?" he asked, tilting his head.
"You were sitting alone. I just wanted to check if you were okay."
He scoffed. "Why do you care? You don't know me."
"You're right. I don't. But that doesn't mean I can't talk to you."
He studied me for a moment before smirking. "Wow. A popular kid with a heart."
I rolled my eyes. "Being popular doesn't mean being mean."
He sighed, leaning back. "I don't have many friends. I like being alone."
"Well, you just won a game. You should celebrate."
"I told you, I don't do parties. Not my thing."
Before I could respond, Carter's voice interrupted us.
"Babes, you ready?" He kissed my forehead before nodding at Asher. "Hey, Ash."
Asher nodded back but didn't say anything.
I turned to him one last time. "If you don't go out and make friends, you'll always be alone. Friends matter, Asher. Without them, you're nothing."
As I walked away with Carter, I gave Asher one final smile.
Back then, everything felt perfect.
I snapped out of my memories just as Asher's voice rang out across the cafeteria.
"So, Liv, ready for school tomorrow?"
I stared at him. Today was the last day of summer vacation. I had been working at the café for two months now, and Asher had been my only constant.
"As if I'm ever ready," I muttered.
He chuckled. "Well, I guess it's my cue to leave. There's a party at Brad's. You'll be fine handling my shift, right?"
I forced a smile. "Yeah, go have fun."
He kissed my forehead before leaving.
I knew Asher had liked me when I first started working. I never felt the same way, and I told him that. Surprisingly, he had been okay with staying friends. And now, he was one of them. A part of the football team. A part of the people who made my life hell.
At school, I had waited—hoped—for Asher to talk to me. But he never did.
One day, I cornered him in the cafeteria.
"I want to talk to you."
He sighed. "What is it, Liv?"
"Why are you ignoring me?"
"I'm not."
"Don't lie to me, Ash."
He hesitated. "Look... Brad hates you. If he finds out we're friends, he'll make my life hell. You don't understand what it's like to be bullied by them."
I laughed bitterly. "You think I don't understand what it's like to be bullied?"
"I—I didn't mean it like that."
"Good luck with your 'friends,' Asher." I turned away. And when I glanced back—he was laughing with them. Like I never existed.
That's when I knew.
I was alone.
Forever.
Flashback Ends
........................................................
"Olivia! Olivia!" Evelyn's voice cut through my thoughts, dragging me back to reality.
I turned to see her standing there, arms crossed, eyebrows raised. "Where the hell did you just go? I've been calling your name forever."
"I—" I started, but before I could even form a sentence, an all-too-familiar voice interrupted.
"Hello, sweetheart," Luke drawled.
Evelyn groaned. "Hello, asshole," she shot back with a smirk.
Luke clutched his chest dramatically. "Wow. So much hostility. It's almost like you're in love with me."
"In love with your stupidity, maybe," she quipped, rolling her eyes.
"Don't lie to yourself, Eve. You'd be lost without me," Luke teased, flashing his signature smirk.
"I'd be thriving without you, actually," Evelyn countered.
"Denial is the first stage of grief," Luke shot back, looking smug.
Evelyn scoffed. "And you are the first stage of a headache."
Unintentionally, a genuine smile crept onto my face as I watched them go at it.
"Hey," I finally greeted Luke.
He gave me a nod and a small smile, momentarily distracted from his ongoing battle with Evelyn.
"Where's my brother?" Evelyn turned to Luke, crossing her arms.
"He went for the football tryouts," Luke replied, stuffing his hands into his pockets.
Evelyn raised an eyebrow. "He plays football?" I asked him
Luke snorted. "Yeah, and he's annoyingly good at it. Unlike me, because I choose not to waste my energy on that nonsense."
"Right, because your energy is much better spent being a pain in the ass," Evelyn shot back.
"Exactly. Someone's gotta keep you entertained," Luke smirked.
Before Evelyn could fire back, Luke suddenly pointed toward the door. "Aha, there he is."
I followed his gaze.
Green Eyes.
And damn, he looked hot.
My breath hitched for a moment before I quickly shook the thought away. Nope. Not happening. Out of your league, Olivia.
"Seb!" Evelyn called out, waving him over.
He turned, his eyes scanning the room before landing on us. And for a split second, they locked onto mine.
Oh God. Oh God. Why is he looking at me like that? And why does my heart feel like it just did a freaking somersault?
I quickly looked away, pretending not to care.
"Hey, sister," Sebastian greeted Evelyn, sliding into the seat beside her.
"How were the tryouts?" she asked.
"Ugh, don't ask," he groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. "It went fine, but that asshole of a captain, Brad? God, he's pathetic."
Sebastian rolled his eyes, then turned to look at me.
"He is my brother Sebastian and Seb she is Olivia" Evelyn introduced.
A slow smirk spread across his lips. "Oh, I know her. She's the bumping girl."
Evelyn and Luke both turned to look at me, confused.
I blinked. "I... what?"
Sebastian leaned forward slightly. "You bumped into me the other day."
I frowned. "Yes, but I didn't see you coming—"
"Oh, come on," he cut me off, his voice dripping with amusement. "Just tell the truth."
He leaned in even closer, his green eyes flickering with mischief. My breath caught in my throat.
"What... what truth?" I stammered.
"That you couldn't resist touching me," he teased, voice dropping just enough to make my stomach flip. "You saw this"—he gestured to himself—"and just had to make a move."
I gaped at him. "Excuse me?"
Luke snorted. "Damn, Seb, you work fast."
Evelyn rolled her eyes. "Don't encourage him. He's already insufferable."
Sebastian ignored them, his smirk still firmly in place as he leaned back into his seat. "Relax, Liv. I'm just messing with you."
I glared. "Oh, are you?"
"Yeah," he chuckled, "but if you ever do want to touch me, just say the word." He winked.
I nearly choked on air.
Evelyn groaned. "God, I hate you."
Sebastian grinned. "Love you too, sis."
Evelyn turned to me. "Don't listen to him, Liv. He's a prick."
"Hey, I am not!"
"Yes, you are," Evelyn deadpanned,
Sebastian ignored her and turned his attention back to me. "So, Liv..." His voice was smoother now, almost lazy. "What's your next class?"
I cleared my throat, forcing myself to act normal. "Um, Literature."
He smirked. "Nice. I bet you like romance novels, don't you?"
I narrowed my eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"
He shrugged, the smirk still playing on his lips. "Nothing. Just makes sense. You seem like the type who'd swoon over tragic love stories."
I huffed. "I don't swoon."
"Really?" He leaned forward again, tilting his head. "Then why are your cheeks turning red?"
I immediately slapped a hand over my face. "They are not!"
Sebastian chuckled. "Sure, Liv. Whatever helps you sleep at night."
Evelyn groaned. "I swear, if you keep this up, I'll personally make sure Brad benches you for the rest of the season."
Sebastian held up his hands. "Alright, alright. I'll behave." Then he turned back to me with one last teasing smile. "For now."
I exhaled sharply and grabbed my bag. "I think I should go. I don't want to be late for class."
Evelyn nodded. "Alright. I'll meet you after."
I turned to leave, but something made me glance back.
Evelyn, Luke, and Sebastian were still watching me. Evelyn smiled and waved, and Luke just smirked like he knew exactly what I was feeling.
Sebastian, however, simply raised an eyebrow, his green eyes still locked onto mine.
I swallowed hard and quickly looked away. It was the first time in years that I felt like me again—like my sarcastic, quick-witted self was resurfacing after being buried for so long. for the first time in forever, I felt something alive in me again.
And damn it, I kind of liked it.
Maybe... just maybe, I could give this a try.