Once, someone picked up his discarded design from the floor and restored it from being crumpled. They told Jacques, "This is good. This is amazing! You designed this? Why did you throw it away?"
It really helped him to keep going and believe in his dream. But later on, Jacques realized that his dream had cost him his whole life.
Slowly, the flame eats the papers containing spacecraft designs that Jacques has been working on day and night with so much passion and excitement.
Charles's voice echoes in his mind, "No one wants you, nor your childish dream."
He is right.
This is the real world, where not everybody gets what they want. Not everybody becomes who they want to be. In this world, he has to race with the other rats. He has to follow the rules. There's no place for romantic dreams, especially if you're a boy on the way to becoming a man.
Every time he passes by the library, he sees Mourice and Charles talking, laughing. It gets him thinking. A realization, maybe? Or just another level of jealousy?
But he realizes that no one wants someone who lives in their own world. That's why Charles enjoys spending his time with Mourice. He's so real. He's a champion. He doesn't like everything that comes at him, but he takes it anyway and wins like a real champion. That's why Charles dumped him for Mourice.
How much Jacques wants to punch Mourice in the face — but for what? For always winning? For always showing up as the nicest guy in the room? Or because Jacques knows Mourice is still dating Danielle when he spends time with Charles — holding his hand, carrying him on his back, or just sitting together wherever they can?
Without realizing it, Jacques sits at the desk and begins to study, just like the other boys in the academy. Sometimes the loneliness in the dorm makes him miss Charles so badly that he can't take it — so he packs his books and drives to Marry's Breakfast & Diner to study there. At least he gets a free treat from the cute host — if he's working that day.
Extra cash? Sure — but it means he has to buy something off the menu, eating rica instead of the free meal he can get in the dorm's food hall twice a day. But at least he doesn't have to be reminded of Charles or risk bumping into the duo, which always makes him want to crush someone's neck.
But Jacques is not a literal learner. Whenever he reads a book, one paragraph is enough to send him to dreamland.
As he drifts off, a gentle touch wakes him up.
"Are you tired?" Ethan's gentle voice comes from just beside him as Jacques tries to regain consciousness.
"Of course you are. You've been up all night studying spacecraft, riding back home to the academy to attend class, and then coming all the way here to study. Keep this up, and you'll look older than me soon," Ethan slips a giggle in between his words.
Jacques notices the head chef — Ethan's uncle, a fat middle-aged man with a thick, stylish mustache — looking at him with displeasure. He knows what that man is thinking: This is a diner, not your house.
"Well, you're right. I should head back soon," Jacques says as he packs his books. Better to sleep at the dorm since he's so sleepy right now.
"Is something making you feel uncomfortable in the dorm?" Ethan asks.
"No, I just love rica," Jacques forces a smile and slips the books into his bag.
"Jacques, in 15 minutes, my shift ends. We can go to my flat if you want to wait," Ethan smirks.
It's not the first time Jacques has been in Ethan's flat. They almost meet every morning when Jacques returns to the dorm from Sulu's hideout. The first time he was there was when a motorbike gang got into a fight near the diner. Ethan was a bit scared to go home alone because the gang riders would often harm innocent civilians when they lost a fight. Jacques drove him back to the flat, where he ended up showering because he had to rush to his morning class.
Ethan's flat is very clean, with lots of earthy decor dominating the space, pretty much reflecting his personality. He really takes good care of his personal space and loves white floral patterns. Flower pots line the veranda where he dries his laundry, the air circulation is fresh and healthy, and on rainy days, it feels even more perfect. If anyone walked into the place, they wouldn't think a single teenage boy lived there — they'd assume it belonged to a 25-year-old woman with impeccable taste.
Ethan is very introverted; he doesn't like spending time outside or outdoors. He said it's because he was bullied by his neighbors when he was a kid, so he got used to staying indoors, decorating his space, and creating origami.
Jacques couldn't remember when it turned romantic between them. Even as friends, they both loved lying down on the blue rug Ethan placed on the floor in front of the heater. Leaning back on the bean bags, they would often watch television together — and Ethan would smell his hair and kiss it.
"You like kissing it so much, hmm? Does it smell good?" Jacques turns his head to look at Ethan.
Ethan pulls his head back to Jacques's hair and sniffs it again. "Yeah, it smells good."
"What does it smell like?" Jacques mutters.
"Like wet socks," Ethan smirks, while Jacques wonders how that could possibly smell good.
Without even realizing it, they would find themselves holding hands, and Jacques started spending more time there than he probably should. There were times when Jacques disappeared from the dorm for a couple of days — he'd be at Ethan's flat, lying on his bed, sleeping while holding Ethan's waist. Ethan would be scrolling through social media, looking for cute recipes to try that weekend while his other hand gently caressed Jacques's short hair.
"You're my big little brother," Ethan often teases.
At times, he would cook food for them both, and it almost felt like they were living as a couple.
Jacques would drive Ethan to his nursing academy and pick him up afterward. Whenever he is with Ethan, thoughts about Charles and Maurice disappears.
One day, when Jacques arrived to pick Ethan up, he saw Ethan talking to a stud who seemed really into him. The guy's eyes were practically flirting with Ethan, and he was almost pushing his chest against him. Ethan, however, remained cool and casual, not even looking at him directly, though the guy's approach didn't seem offensive.
When Ethan realized Jacques was already there, he quickly waved at him before turning back to wave goodbye to the stud, who smiled bitterly as he watched Ethan walk away.
"Hey, how long have you been there? Why didn't you say something?" Ethan pinched Jacques's wrist softly, leaning toward him.
"Long enough to see him all over you." Jacques didn't sound pleased. After his experience with Maurice and Charles, he had become even more guarded. If someone showed signs of interest in another person, Jacques would rather walk away before he got hurt again.
But Ethan took it lightly. "Are you jealous?" He said it like it was the cutest thing he'd ever seen.
Jacques didn't respond. He just handed Ethan his helmet.
"Aldo's just a friend. Want me to introduce you?" Ethan put on the helmet, his expression still relaxed, as if he had nothing to hide.
"No. Let's take you home," Jacques answered shortly.
Ethan shrugged and hopped on the passenger seat, wrapping his arms around Jacques from behind. Everything felt so normal. Later that day, Ethan even baked a cake for Jacques after they got home.
"Eat. Eat as much as you like," Ethan said, recording Jacques as he ate.
"What's that recording for?" Jacques asked between bites.
"Documentation." Ethan giggled.
He was so soft and gentle, almost like a mother. Even though his pantry was always a mess with food scraps and spilled ingredients after he cooked, Ethan always managed to clean everything up perfectly afterward.
Aldo would call on Ethan once in a while and try to take him out to hangout, but Ethan always reject him.
"It seems like he's interested in you," Jacques said later that evening as they sat side by side on the veranda, enjoying warm chocolate.
"You're not wrong about that. He's been asked me out a few times. But I'm not interested in him, so you've got nothing to worry about," Ethan smiled, reassuring Jacques.
Sometimes Jacques wondered why Ethan seemed to understand him so well. It was like he could see right through him. Charles clinging to Maurice had been so unexpected that it shocked Jacques. Trusting someone's feelings didn't come easily to him anymore.
Ethan took Jacques's hand and examined his fingers.
"Your fingers are clean…" Ethan's expression softened with concern. "Are you no longer studying engineering?"
"Yeah. No more," Jacques said, looking down.
"Why? Why give up? Did your parents talk you out of it?" Ethan held Jacques's arm.
Jacques shook his head. "I just… think it's childish. I might've gotten carried away watching kids' TV shows where everybody's dreams come true."
"What?" Ethan's tone was filled with quiet empathy. "But didn't you say it was your ultimate dream?"
"In reality, it's not like that. Just dreaming isn't enough. We need money. We need food. We have responsibilities to other people. We can't just live for ourselves." Jacques's jaw clenched.
"But Jacques… some dreams do come true. And I don't see anything wrong with your dream. We don't have to always contribute something to society, sometimes, we contribute to society when we nurture our dream," Ethan said softly, massaging Jacques's arm. His touch made Jacques feel safe.
No, you don't understand! Jacques screamed internally. I lost someone because I was stuck in my dream like a kid. I need to grow up, or I will lose someone else that I love again. That dream was childish—no one would want me if I stayed in it. If I want to keep someone that I love, I have to live in reality—no more being deluded by a childish dream.