[Log 23] {Sil} LOGAN. LOGAN. SEND HELP.
{Sil} Dude, respond please.
{Sil} Hold on I need to hit my communication box again, that gets it working again for some reason.
{Sil} Please send… come on…
{Logan} What appears to be the issue.
{Sil} Dude, it fucking hurts when I pee. Holy shit, dude what do I do?
{Sil} Logan?
{Sil} Come on, send. Damn wifi.
{Logan} I warned you about this. I am struggling to locate your current position. Do you know where you are?
{Sil} No, the damn navigation thing broke down again. Smacking it only works 50% of the time.
{Logan} You have a way with technology.
{Sil} Come on, now's not the time for jokes. What do I do?
{Logan} It is certainly strange that it appeared so suddenly. Usually sexually transmitted diseases stay dormant for a long time.
{Sil} Well it's probably space AIDS, now what do I do?
{Logan} Have you tried using a healing ability?
{Sil} Guess what dipshit, I already tried that, remember?
{Logan} There is no need to use such harsh words on me. Try some other ability.
{Sil} Hmmm, maybe if I use a transformation ability, or... if I chop it off, and regenerate myself then I'll heal without it?
{Logan} P_Accident_Diagram.jpeg
{Logan} Good. Amputation is not ideal in most situations, but in your case it's different. I sent a diagram as to the ideal locations to cut yourself off to minimize bloodloss and to get rid of the disease. You will most likely have to do this several times
{Sil} …
{Sil} I don't know man, I hate to chop my own dick off…
{Logan} You are going to be chopping off more than your penis, and you can even use healing abilities on yourself. I would have personally administered medication to you myself, but your location is difficult to pinpoint down.
{Sil} Okay… Okay… I'm going to do it.
{Sil} JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
[Log 24] {Sil} I'm not sure what's worse. The embarrassment of pissing fire, or cutting off every part of yourself and healing only to cut it off. If my messages don't send right then it's probably a good thing. I feel miserable. I swear if some guy attacks me now I'll do the same thing I did to myself onto them.
{Sil} Logan, you're never going to believe this, but I am going to be doing a second set of amputations today. Some guy wants a piece of me. Says he's some god of this realm, blah blah blah.
{Sil} That was a tough fight. I used up a lot of MC cells earlier trying to heal myself, but man was it satisfying getting rid of the guy.
{Logan} Do you think you can use the whip in bed?
{Sil} This is a demon tier whip, if I used it on anyone, they'd die. I know because I used it on this celestial.
{Logan} Very unfortunate. I'll send schematics for a less dangerous whip your way.
{Logan} BSDM_6.doc
[Log 25] {Sil} I've encountered a race of plant people. I doubt they actually have the parts for fucking, but I'll take this as a blessing. My asshole needs a break.
{Sil} Logan?
{Sil} Ah right, I should get that fixed. After this planet I'll head back. No one seems to know how to fix your technology, Logan, and I really don't want it to break out here.
{Logan} I second that. Judging by my calculations, you are technically the closest to the greylash solar system, which will be a month of travel.
{Sil} You can tell where my location is at? My navigation stopped working all together 2 days ago
{Logan} This is purely calculations based off of your last known location, ship trajectory, speed simulations.
{Sil} Forget I asked.
{Sil} I don't think this place has two genders like the previous planets I've come across. At least, not in the typical sense. I'll continue my research.
[Log 26] {Sil} I did not know just how versatile those vines could be. They have the ability to control natural plant life, and they restricted all of my movements so tightly. I think I can even still feel them, like when you stop swimming but there's still that feeling afterwards.
{Sil} I think I want to go again, but I really want to head back.
{Logan} You could stay the extra night.
{Sil} I could, but I want to head back sooner.
{Logan} Get that plantussy Sil.
{Sil} … I'm heading back now.
[Log 27] {Sil} I lied. These guys are really good, so I stayed with a few last night. I definitely got that plantussy in my buss-
{Logan} Let's hope you didn't make your condition worse.
{Sil} I inserted nothing so I'm safe, but I did get a nasty case of allergies. Worth every second though.
{Sil} I'm heading back for sure this time. I'd rate this race about an A+ overall if you aren't bothered by not having anything inserted, as they clearly had their way around other methods of getting you off.
{Sil} poijhuygtfrdgfyhujikoijuhytfrdsdfugihiouyrtsejdykfugiodjkgjlhtfu
{Logan} Did something happen, Sil?
{Sil} I sneezed on my keyboard and needed to wipe it. I don't want to rate the Planterians lower though, they had no control over my allergies. Next time, I'll bring meds.
{Logan} That good? Maybe check out any nearby planets in their solar system on your way back. There might be some that won't cause your allergies to flare up.
{Sil} Noted.