Peace
I got up early in the morning and slowly packed my things into my bag, I had to stay away from him for the sake of my children. He was becoming so violent and I had not wanted them growing in such an environment. I had to go to the capital city; Abuja. I could not be with him anymore. I flet no love anymore and I could not put up with his behavior. I did not want to treated like a pet who was unloved.
I took my bag and I looked at the bed where he and I first knew one another intimately. On our wedding night.
I saw wraith like versions of him and I doing caricature because he wanted to use the remote first. I remembered how I kissed him ad grabbed it from his palms. I turned and I saw him and I on the bed talking about our future together and growing. How we would bury our heads in one anothers embrace. I could not believe me; thoughts flashed through my mind about the past and I remembered each time he would assure me of how beautiful I was and how much he siad I was perfect for him, Tears dropped down from my eyes
No no I hate this man now. He didn't trust me so I hate him. When I saw the woman in the room, I felt like the most foolish woman who had ever lived. Thane could not believe me . I was compelled to investigate the case immediately to prove my innocence, but I was broken. I was broken inside knowing that I was not enough.
My words, my tears, my bruises were not enough to prove my innocence. I was to gather information to prove my innocence, I was to be reconciled after finding out the cause. Would I shamelessly wish to hear his apology from his mouth?
I pressed down my suitcase trying to get my clothes to press down. My eyes were clouded with fog and I would press down against thin air and fall down to the ground. I had become so addicted to my husband. I was bearly surviving just because he stopped showing care to me, I went to my mirror area and I packed my cosmetics. I left the cosmetics that Thane had gotten for me. The ones that he might have liked or complimented. I left them all there at the desk. Nothing, I wanted nothing that would remind me of him except for the memeories of him and I deeply ingrained in m heart. I knew I can forget him. I was avoiding eye contact with my image in the mirror. I was afraid that I would see my image begging me to stay in the house.. I could not believe who was standing when I brushed such feelings away.
I looked like a scarecrow that had been on an abandoned farmland for years. I could not even believe that my eyes were this suken. I had avoided taking a look at myself for the past few months. I turned sideways and I could see a bulge in my belly
" don't worry I am making this decision but I cant bear to watch you grow in an abusive home, what if your father still has an affair" I paused, and rubbed my belly I relaxed my eyebrows cause I could feel it creasing and folding again.
" he would refuse to accept you as his child, I cant bear to see you think of yourself that way . you are his legitimate child" I placed the remaining cosmetics that I proceeded to carry in my arms so I could leverage them properly.
I had placed them in an extra shopping bag because my suitcase was already filled up. It was already 11 pm. A part in me wanted to stay till 12 pm till I set out to leave the house for good.
I don't know, maybe I wanted thane to come in and apologize to me for all he has down for not trusting me and for treating me worse than he would a servant, I wanted to know if he would grab my suitcase and thrust it to one side, then hug me and tell me that the prostitute had entered the wrong house by mistake and had mistaken him for another man. I wanted him to make me feel like he was in the mental state of mind so I could disclose the news about getting pregnant. I wished to see him happy and drop all this unnecessary drama. I wanted himt to be happy not angry or suspicious of wether it was his.
I wish he would tell me that he knows that I would never allow another man to be intimate with me wether on bed or anywhere else. I wish he would rewind the hands of time and stop aunt anita from slapping me without control. I wish to see him defend me and confron aunt anita
I wished the words, he was sorry would just blurt out from his mouth. I wish he never went that far. He caught me off and hit me in the heart. Where I had expected him to be the responsible one a the moment he could not even control himself when he found another opportunity to replace me.
I loked up and it was 11: 59. I watched the second tick by, I slowly wished desperately in my heart that the door would fling open and bring my endless wishes and fantasies to reality.
Mybe the one minute could save my life,, it could save my marriage. I stared at the door, it creaked open, littlke by little and I stared at it. I could see a tiny black material. Could that be his socks?
Could it be that I had wished my reality into manifestation, I rushed to the door.
All I could find was a black rat at the door, I was startled and I rushed back to my initial position from where I stood.
The rat ran off so did my hope along with it. I gripped my bags firmly and I could only wonder what the future had in store for me.