[Goal Completed: Reach Dungeon Level 2]
[Reward: Usable Exit]
Suzuki's eyes lit up as she stared at the system panel.
"Finally!"
She turned to leave—freedom in sight—
—then froze.
Right in front of her, completely blocking the exit… was her own death trap. The one she'd designed with almost sadistic pride.
"Huh."
She smacked her own forehead.
"Man… I'm an idiot."
She looked at the deadly spinning blades, then at her own carefully placed spike floor.
"What was I thinking, doing such a good job?"
Right on cue, her system chimed in—
[Dungeon Teleporter]
1. [Exit]
2. [Room 1]
3. [Boss Room]
"As always," she muttered, sighing, "this damn system waits until I embarrass myself before popping up."
She tapped Exit, and in a blink, she was standing outside her dungeon.
"Woah… this place is gorgeous!" she gasped, taking a deep breath.
The grass crunched beneath her feet as she stepped forward, each blade brushing against her feet, making a soft, almost melodic noise.
A gentle breeze swept through the air, lifting her bangs just enough to brush against her forehead, carrying the fresh scent of wildflowers and earth, so different from the city's smog.
She blinked into the sunlight, her eyes watering a little.
"Is this… what clean air feels like?"
She grinned, shaking her head.
"Holy crap—it's fresher than Tokyo!"
She raised her arms in victory, basking in the fresh air, but then her expression faltered. Her face went flat as she paused to consider the absurdity of it.
"Why is this even surprising? Of course, it's fresher than Tokyo…"
She grimaced at herself, the sudden self-awareness taking the edge off her excitement.
"I really need to stop being so dramatic."
She turned around to get a good look at her dungeon's exterior—and instantly deflated.
"You've got to be kidding me."
It was… a big dirt mound. With a hole in it. That was it.
"I know I just started, but come on! This is supposed to be my domain, not a glorified molehill."
She jabbed the mound with an irritated finger, feeling the damp dirt shift under her touch. The fact that her 'dungeon exterior' was little more than a dirt hill was hard to ignore, but then again, what did she expect?
The system didn't exactly provide a luxury starter pack. The dungeon's look was determined by what you could afford in mana and resources, and right now, she was pretty much starting from scratch.
"Well, whatever. I can work with this. Everyone starts somewhere, right?"
Just then—
Screams.
She spun around. Her heart raced.
Finally. It's time to be a hero!
But instead of some grand scene, she saw… a single bronze-ranked adventurer, a young ranger, scrambling back on her backside in fear.
"S-Someone help me! It's a Goblin Lord!"
Suzuki blinked.
Then felt her face.
Her arms. Her chest.
"Crap. I forgot to switch back!"
Before she could say anything, the adventurer crushed a glowing crystal in her hand.
"Guidance!" she cried—instantly teleporting two silver-ranked adventurers onto the field.
"That's the fifth one today…" the greatsword-wielding fighter grumbled, glancing at his partner. "Being bodyguards for newbies is—"
His eyes landed on Suzuki.
"…Is that a Goblin Lord?"
He paused.
"Wait. Why is it… hot?"
The tank, clad in heavy armor, furrowed his brows.
"I've got a better question. Why the hell does a Goblin Lord have… curves?"
Then, in perfect unison, the two of them said:
"This wasn't in the bestiary!"
The fighter groaned, spinning his greatsword once before resting it on his shoulder.
"Ughhh… let's just get this over with."
The tank raised an eyebrow.
"You're not even a little curious how a male-only monster species turned into a female?"
The fighter shrugged.
"Evolution? I dunno."
Suzuki blinked at the two, completely dumbfounded.
Are these guys for real?
They acted like those generic comic relief characters who exist purely for dumb banter—and never get a shred of development in five whole seasons.
"Man," she muttered under her breath, "idiots really are a global constant."
The fighter and tank froze, mouths slightly open.
The fighter pointed at her, slack-jawed.
"Did that… that thing with an Intelligence stat of 2 just—"
"—talk in a full sentence?" the tank finished, eyes wide.
They both stared at Suzuki, completely baffled.
Behind them, the bronze-ranked ranger finally snapped.
"Stop gawking and get that thing already!"
The two snapped back to attention and started to move—
But before they could charge:
"Untransform!" Suzuki shouted.
With a burst of smoke, her hulking goblin lord form vanished—replaced by her normal human self, hoodie and jeans included.
She threw her arms out dramatically.
"I'm human!"
The two silver-ranked adventurers just stared at her.
"…Huh?"
The tank squinted at Suzuki, unimpressed.
"Probably some noble's kid. That outfit screams 'daddy's gold.'"
The fighter nodded.
"Yeah. Probably used a polymorph scroll. Rich brats love weird flexes."
Behind them, the bronze-ranked ranger looked like she was about to explode.
"You morons! Polymorph spells can't turn someone into a female Goblin Lord! That's not even a thing!"
The two turned to her, shrugged in perfect sync.
"Custom scroll, then," the fighter said casually.
The tank nodded. "Yeah, nobles always blow cash on aesthetics."
They both laughed.
Then, without a shred of shame, they crushed return crystals in their hands.
"Return!" they shouted in unison—vanishing in a flash of light.
"You idiots!" the ranger screamed after them. "Don't leave me with this freak!"
She scrambled toward their fading glow, but it blinked out before she could even reach the spot.
Left alone, she stared at the empty space for a beat… then slammed her fist into the dirt.
"These are the bodyguards I paid extra for?!"
Suzuki crossed her arms, watching the meltdown.
"…I'm starting to think I'm the least insane person here."
"Global constant confirmed." She added