We had barely made it back to town when a glowing pigeon (yes, again) dropped a scroll onto my head.
> "ATTENTION: VILLAIN RANKINGS UPDATE!"
"Is this like... a leaderboard?" I asked.
Liria snatched it and read aloud:
> Top Chaos Villains – Region 3
1. Lord Skullgasm – 1,209,000 points
2. Mistress Doomwaffle – 983,000 points
3. Akira 'Bird Slayer' – 820,000 points
(New Entry!)
I choked on my spicy ramen.
"Third!? How!?"
Myra grinned. "Your cult got fanart trending."
Mimi held up a drawing: me sitting on a flaming throne made of pancakes, surrounded by tiny squirrels.
"…That's actually kind of awesome."
---
Suddenly, a girl in a tattered cloak jumped out from an alley.
"I knew I'd find you!" she shouted, holding up… a spoon.
We all blinked.
"I'm Rina, the Spoon Whisperer!"
Mimi whispered, "Is she okay?"
"No," Liria replied flatly.
Rina pointed the spoon at me. "My Spoon of Fate told me to follow you. Also, it says you smell like betrayal and breakfast."
"…I showered yesterday."
"The spoon says otherwise."
---
She insisted on joining us. I tried saying no.
Then she pulled out a frying pan and blocked a surprise arrow from a bandit.
The spoon glowed.
Then Rina threw it like a boomerang. It hit the bandit in the face and came back.
I just stared. "She's like if a kitchen had anime powers."
Liria sighed. "We're becoming a traveling circus."
"I prefer 'chaotic squad of misunderstood losers,' thank you."
---
And so, we had a new member.
Party Update:
Liria – Still sane (barely).
Myra – Fireball addict.
Mimi – Buff pancake queen.
Rina – Talks to spoons. Might be secretly a genius.
And me?
I was officially the third most dangerous villain in the region.
All because I blew up a pigeon, made pancakes, and formed a party of weirdos.
---
[Next Chapter: Hero Sightings, Cursed TikToks, and The Festival of Misunderstandings]
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