Now that I had my official Villain License (Level 1, Menace to Society—fancy, I know), I could finally take a quest to earn gold.
We chose the cheapest dungeon available.
> Dungeon: "Cave of Slightly Annoying Danger"
Difficulty: 1 star
Reward: 300 gold and a coupon for spicy ramen
Note: Slimes may bite.
Sounded easy enough.
---
We entered the dungeon with confidence.
Well, Myra was skipping, Mimi was humming, and Liria was already regretting her life choices.
Me? I was holding my rusty dagger and praying no more birds showed up.
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The first monster appeared.
It was…
A blue slime wearing a tiny office hat.
It looked up at us and said—in a bored voice—
"Go away. I hate Mondays."
We froze.
Liria blinked. "Did that slime just speak?"
"Yes," said the slime, typing on a ghostly keyboard. "And I'm on break. Come back never."
Myra tilted her head. "Can I set it on fire?"
The slime sighed. "Please do."
She threw a small fireball.
The slime absorbed it. Then burped.
"Thanks. I needed that."
---
Mimi stepped forward, raising her axe. "Let's fight, little blob!"
"No thanks," the slime said. "I'm unionized."
We just stared.
Eventually, I poked it with a stick.
It slapped me.
Not hard—but emotionally devastating.
---
We passed the slime and wandered deeper, where we encountered actual enemies.
Skeletons dancing to lo-fi music.
Bats doing taxes mid-air.
A mimic chest that only contained socks.
This dungeon made zero sense.
But hey—we survived. Barely.
---
At the end, we got our 300 gold… and the ramen coupon.
I handed it to Liria.
She looked at me. "You're bribing me with noodles?"
"I'm keeping the gold."
She pocketed the coupon. "Deal."
---
As we walked back to town, the Monday-hating slime waved goodbye.
"Come back next week. I'm teaching anger management for aggressive goblins."
I waved back.
"I'll bring snacks!"
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[Next Chapter: The Chaos Rankings and the Girl Who Talks to Spoons]
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