We stopped at a tavern in the next city.
First thing I saw?
My face on a wanted poster.
> "WANTED – CHAOS KING AKIRA"
"Crimes: Exploding birds, forming cults, suspicious pancakes."
"Reward: One million gold and a year's supply of shampoo."
"…They know about the shampoo," I whispered.
Liria sighed. "We need disguises."
Myra grinned. "I've got it!"
She snapped her fingers. Poof.
Now I had a mustache.
Mimi wore glasses the size of dinner plates.
Liria looked the same.
"…Why don't you wear a disguise?" I asked.
"I'm not the one on posters."
Fair.
---
Inside the tavern, we sat quietly. No explosions. No cults.
Just soup and awkward silence.
Until a short, chubby man in a glowing suit barged in, slamming a scroll on our table.
"You haven't paid your Villain Tax!"
"…What."
He cleared his throat. "All registered villains must pay a monthly tax of 10,000 gold, or face Evildoer Repossession."
"I'm not even officially evil yet!"
"Doesn't matter. Your pigeon crimes went viral. You're on the Evil List now."
Myra leaned in. "What happens if we don't pay?"
"Magical debt collectors will hunt you down and confiscate your evil rights."
"…Evil rights?"
He pointed at my dagger. "That's now a butter knife."
Sure enough, my weapon turned dull and shiny.
Mimi screamed. "THAT'S ILLEGAL!"
---
We needed money.
Fast.
So naturally… I applied for a job.
Not a normal one. Nooo.
I walked into the Guild of Villainous Services, filled out a form, and sat for an interview.
The old lady behind the desk squinted at my papers.
"Says here you exploded birds, have a cult, and accidentally started a breakfast-based religion."
"…Correct."
"You're hired."
---
I walked out with a badge:
"Licensed Villain – Level 1: Menace to Society"
Progress?
Not really.
But at least I got my butter knife back.
---
[Next Chapter: The Dungeon of Discount Doom and the Slime Who Hated Mondays]