Hentai Shinobi Rule 57: If it bleeds, you failed to breed.
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Each step felt more burdened than the highest weight Kai could maintain with the chakra mesh shirt underneath his top. His sulking figure stood out among the masses. Laughing children basking in the rare sunny morning almost collapsed at his presence, immediately parting ways while staring him down with healthy caution and fear. Yet, Kai's dejected expression improved the morning for nearly everybody else.
What was Kai even fighting for?
He dedicated his time after the reincarnation to uplift Konoha's standards! Imagine its state if he hadn't?
Unruly children would be terrorizing the settlement, running amok with snot-filled noses and unhygienic, piss-stained hands!
And this was the thanks he got?
Where was there sincerity?
His day had begun by procrastinating, for he knew what he had to do… but Kai was unsure if he possessed the raw strength to follow through with his plan. For Kushina… he should.
However, that didn't make the challenge easier.
He had already spent a considerable morning fucking around with Mito, and yet, Kai's steps turned from its destined path.
What was a little more procrastination?
His new life had been a well-oiled routine of training, disciplining the unruly menace eating away at Konoha's foundation and a slight segway into all the carnal glory he had missed out on in the past life.
So, the Gamer was due for some procrastination, right?
Besides, the time spent would cheer a hearty follower—
"Alpha!"
*Woof*
A brunette youngling and a ninken bark the second they registered his scent, their bodies turning to face the youth as he waved in greeting with a short grin.
"Yo!" Kai soon knelt to ruffle and stroke Kuromaru's head before giving Tsume a look. She'd been training with her mother the last few weeks, and from what he'd heard, the cheery follower had grown at a breakneck pace compared to her peers. Although most came from ordinary folks and didn't boast a shinobi-rich background like other clans. Besides, Tsume was always quicker on the uptake regarding training involving Kuromaru.
*Sniff* *Sniff*
Kuromaru clutched Kai's legs before sniffing his sleeve. He took another moment before licking the spot around Kai's wrist until the latter felt Cinnamon quietly crawl up his arm to avoid the sloppy attack.
But Kuromaru wasn't one to give up, something he learned best from his partner. He almost began to claw his way up, Kai's outfit be damned, to get Cinnamon out before Kai pulled the pup from his neck and tossed it to Tsume.
"Sorry, but I can't let you slobber me up, pal. I have an important… meeting."
"Oh!" Tsume blinked. "Are we being a bother, Alpha? Did we accidentally get in your way?"
"No, I had time to kill."
"But you said it was important."
Kai puckered his lips before pulling his other hand resting on Tsume's head until now, ruffling her spiky and untamed brown hair.
"So," Kai breached the momentary silence with a hum. "You got stronger, huh. Learn any new Jutsu from your mother?"
"That old lady?" Tsume scrunched her nostrils while putting Kuromaru on the ground. "She just likes establishing dominance over everyone! Grrr… I'll eventually beat her and become the next leader!"
'Wow… so the basic trick of manipulating your kid into succeeding in one's position still works. Well, good for Okami.'
"Good luck," Kai offered. "Let me know if you need a sparring partner."
"Nice!" Tsume pumped her fists. "You best keep your word, Alpha! You're gonna train me after I graduate from the academy!"
"Hmm, kay~." Kai shrugged as they began strolling the street, oblivious to Tsume's expression. However, their chat didn't last long when Kai suddenly paused and inquired, "Why aren't you in the academy?"
"Oh…" Tsume frowned, her eyes steadily widening. "OH!"
She instantly picked Kuromaru and rushed away like a storm, her farewell echoing through the street.
"See ya later, Alpha! You best remember your promise!"
'If only everyone was so excited for training… we'd have fewer wars. Oh, and less bitches, too. Especially the whiny ones.'
Kai sighed before extending his bout of procrastination even longer. After all, he sensed a clump of familiar Chakra Signatures enter his field of perception through the Academy. So, he flickered and reappeared near a few friendly faces and one ugly mug.
"What are you doing here?" The Uchiha cunt was quick to wear his grumpy pants as he demanded with an annoyed tone. His clothes were dusty and worn, much less than his face, something Kai would have fixed had it not been for his best buddy's calming presence and the Idol on Kai's path of becoming the Pillarof Unity and Peace within the shinobi community.
So, Kai ignored the runt and Dekai, the latter due to the principle of the youth possibly getting more action since what he and Kushina accidentally eavesdropped on since he was grossed out and not totally jealous before greeting Team Jiraiya's remaining duo—Master Cultured Shinobi and Best Rival.
"Returning from a mission?" Kai inquired with a hearty smile as he high-fived Minato the second they locked gazes.
"Hey! Don't ignore me!" Hiruna snarled, and so Kai did what was asked—ignoring the Uchiha. He did not have any vendetta against the Clan despite how ridiculous their eyes were. If that were the case, being Mikoto's friend would have been a dubious proposition at best. However, Hiruna was… annoying since their days in the academy. Again, Kai's distaste for most of his classmates had nothing to do with their stellar graduation ceremonies when he had been too amazed by the prowess of his left and right hands.
Just ask Tsunade and Mito!
His hands were too distracting!
Gosh, Kai wouldn't wish his hands over his worst enemy—
The youth momentarily paused, suddenly realizing the best way to interrogate his captive.
"—well, good luck."
Kai blinked and glanced at Jiraiya.
"Say what?"
"You weren't paying attention, were you?" Jiraiya tossed the boy a flat glare before exhaling. "Say goodbye to the boys, Kai. It's good you found me… 'cause I was about to do the same."
"But I wanna hang out with Minato…"
Minato tilted his head, "Maybe later? We just returned, and I wanted to rest a bit."
"Oh, I get it," Kai sighed. How could he expect everyone to indulge his quest for procrastination?
"See you later," Minato waved before flickering away. Hiruna did the same with a disgruntled snort, and Dekai nodded at the youth before following their leads.
"So?" Kai looked at Jiraiya. "You were about to look for me?" He looked past the man, glancing at the Academy. "Did Lord Third ask you?"
"Well, ya know," Jiraiya snickered. "Sensei doesn't really ask these days and has been wearing hot-blooded, well-meaning Shinobi like me to the bone!"
"You just refuse to return the magazines you borrowed from him," Kai scoffed, adopting a lazy posture with arms folded behind his head.
"Oh, I don't need to hear that from you! Where are the two packages you borrowed from me? Huh?"
"Lost em," Kai lied as effortlessly as he breathed, with an expression that didn't flinch and thickened with successive deception.
"Huff," Jiraiya exhaled before massaging his temples. "My, my… you'll be the death of me, kid. It's hard enough that I almost lost my credibility with my network after the stunt you pulled on Minato's birthday—"
"Oh, come on!" Kai muttered as they walked. "It's not like a senbon was the smallest thing she'd held near her face."
Jiraiya refrained from chuckling… barely. "Don't change the subject! You can't keep pulling stunts like this! Sheesh! Just what is Tsunade thinking these days?"
"Heh~!" Kai recalled the onsen trip. "I hope Sensei stays the same way! Anyway… isn't it too coincidental that Lord Third asked you to contact me? What would you have done if I had knocked on Hebi Hyuga's door instead of greeting you guys?"
"You haven't done yourself any favor by being so predictable lately," Jiraiya rolled his eyes.
"Oh?" Kai snorted. "I thought the rat following me coordinated with Lord Third."
Jiraiya almost lost his step at Kai, casually exposing the rat-masked Anbu who had followed Kai since morning. He cleared his throat and used the embarrassment to pry something more valuable as a price for those lost magazines probably forgotten safely under Kai's mattress…
Or a Sealing Scroll.
Jiraiya wished it was the latter because the circulation of those materials had long been dismissed and were quite rare collectibles.
"Well," the white-haired Shinobi grinned. "I heard about it."
"You did?" Kai perked up. "Honestly, it took me by surprise. But hey, she's pretty cute. Who am I to deny a prospective Harem member? Although, I'm gonna wait. I find beauty in time and age… to some extent."
Jiraiya paused, his eyes bulging wide open.
"Ameyuri Ringo wanted to shag, and you reduced her to dust instead?!"
"Ameyuri— what?! I'm talking about Nono!"
"Who's that?"
"I just told you—Nono."
Kai and Jiraiya momentarily stared at each other before grinning simultaneously.
"Congratulations… Ameyuri Ringo is a respectable achievement…" Jiraiya patted the boy's back as the youth noticed some complicated emotion bleeding into the former's gaze.
"Thanks," Kai smiled, briefly reassured that at least Jiraiya could understand Kai's decision to prevent Ameyuri's death in the long term. "And Ameyuri was cute, too… almost killed me."
"Sounds like you gained a type. Happened to me several times in a mission—"
"Cup size ain't a type."
"Well, you've never seen the stuff I've witnessed," Jiraiya scoffed as he scratched his head. "Now, back on topic. Sensei wants me to be your moral support as you lay your heart bare for a Hyuga Family to poke and possibly piss on it. So, we need some ground rules."
The man looked at the sky, continuing. "But there are too many rules, and I just arrived. So, I'll freshen up, and we'll grab something to eat. It'll probably take hours of discussion, so we might as well hit the public bath. Hmm, but that wouldn't be enough. We need to make ourselves the most presentable… so a massage!"
The more Jiraiya spoke, the bigger Kai's grin grew.
Fuck yeah!
What's better than procrastinating alone?
Procrastinating together.
Meanwhile, in the Hokage's Office.
Despite the strangely thickening tension, an eagle-masked Anbu radiating a calm and collected aura stood before Hiruzen.
"Of your three disciples, who share some fondness with that reckless brat, why put Jiraiya up for the task. Now, that man has taken it upon himself to waste Rat's time even further than Kai planned while simultaneously thinning the Hyuga's patience."
Eagle had a point. However, as Jiraiya had already revealed, Kai had made himself slightly predictable. It wasn't by design but by Kai's nature to follow a sense of routine. And after a while, the experts could predict even the most nonsensical chaos occurring in a pattern. Instead, Kai's sudden revelation of wanting to change surprised Hiruzen.
Similarly, he predicted his students, too.
Tsunade wasn't one to shy away from other Shinobi Clans when it came to a confrontation, and making her accompany Kai was nothing more than dumping gas on an already destructive flame. Meanwhile, Orochimaru might be cold on the surface, but his contempt for specific individuals and ideals ran deep. That man was stubborn despite the frivolous smile on his features, and he had a sarcastic quality about him whenever confronted with such men and women. Orochimaru would have been like an explosive tag for an already lethal kunai.
However, Jiraiya knew how to handle people, even better, shinobi.
Besides, Hiruzen could have let Kai try to accomplish the day's goal solo. But he feared some accidents might interfere with the youth's goals. Admittedly, Hiruzen had gained a more profound interest in Kai, which the former lacked due to the youth's connection with the Uzumaki and the Senju in a Guardian's capacity. Kai's skills aside… his willingness to adopt such methods for someone he vowed to protect resonated with the burning will Hiruzen stoked in his heart—the same Will of Fire he'd been burdened by Tobirama Senju to share with the rest of Konoha's Shinobi.
And speaking of predicting others…
Hiruzen knew Eagle didn't care about the little spat between Kai and Hiashi's fiancée.
"You can be direct about it if my decision to further test Kai bothers you."
Those sharp eyes behind the mask narrowed as the man scoffed softly.
"Well, I see it as wasting a valuable Shinobi's time to test a kid. Even if he killed Ameyuri Ringo… that man is far superior to her. If Kai loses, you demoralize a prospective elite by not promoting him and waste time better spent preparing."
"Anybody demoralized by a little trick shouldn't be afforded a Jonin's rank, wouldn't you agree?" Hiruzen chuckled lightheartedly. "Leave Kai-Kun's event to me. I know I've stretched the Anbu Division thin these days, but others will soon provide support."
"And you approved my request?" questioned the Eagle Anbu, better known as the Anbu's Leader.
"Yes," Hiruzen sighed, making Eagle nod.
"And another thing," Hiruzen began. "Visit your mother more… she deserves that much."
Briefly hesitating, Eagle nodded before flickering away.
'Uh… I hope the second kid isn't such a handful…'
Hiruzen groaned and leaned back on his chair.
<<<>>>
Yuka admitted she never expected the event she had already tossed in the back of her head to emerge in such a fascinating fashion. Last night had been a surprise when her fiance's father ordered her to prepare for today since the recent news suggested Kai was finally willing to put the matter to rest and apologize. The strangest thing, however, was the fact that the Hyuga Clan, the Patriarch's family to be specific, had adopted a grave offense after Yuka's and Kai's little confrontation, a stance they never revealed when Kai openly fucked around with the branch family's members much to the lass' dismay.
Hebi Hyuga had written to the Uzumaki Residence, admonished Kai's 'terrible' acts, and spent some time voicing his discontent with Lord Third. Being brighter than her peers and managing to catch Kai lacking with the sheer brilliance of her tears, Yuka knew it was nothing but more politics… if only she could wipe her ass with it and truly make it the shit show it was.
'But I never thought Kai would do that…' Yuka mused while sitting in front of a mirror. It was early in the morning. With there only being the notification of Kai arriving at the Hyuga Compound but not the concrete time, Hebi Hyuga had taken upon his retired ass to wake his family at the break of dawn. Yuka quietly combed her hair, wondering when Kai would appear and grovel… again; why?
Why did Kai decide to apologize now?
That brat was callous and insulting. The youth didn't care about respecting the elders and threatened the emotional stability of any errand kid who had the misfortune of crossing his path.
Kai was like a black cat for every child. He claimed that he only targeted the orphans… but he just picked on any and every child. And whoever had parents? From what Yuka heard, Kai claimed that the kids acted in a way suggesting they didn't have any parents…
See?
Insulting!
'Maybe Lord Third ordered him…' Yuka puffed. 'He is being too noble about it… Kai shouldn't be allowed to just apologize for everything he did! And his claims of creating a harem… grrr! How demeaning! Hiashi… is the best~!'
Her cheeks flushed as she recalled the perfectly stoic teen who practiced till his soles wore and the musk of his sweat flooded the dojo.
'Tch, let's see how things develop once Kai arrives. The official fact is that he will apologize for making me cry… maybe I can do something about it…' Her lavender, pupilless eyes momentarily brightened as she recalled one of Kai's expertise.
'I probably… can…'
She blinked.
It was possible.
So, Hebi's household prepared early, with even Hizashi's betrothed stopping by to greet Yuka. While Yuka desired to know her future sister-in-law better… their different status made the task more challenging than she liked.
Either way, they began to wait for Kai's arrival.
And they waited…
And they waited…
And they continued to wait.
"Where is he?!" Hebi demanded in a low snarl, commanding one of the household's caretakers to locate Kai.
The information soon startled the waiting group.
"Kai is… in a public bath with Jiraiya? Is Jiraiya coming, too?"
For some reason unknown to Yuka, Hebi's expression darkened considerably before the middle-aged man allowed an ominous smile on his expression. "Very well," Hebi accepted. "Let them both come."
As such, seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned into hours.
"Where is he?!" Hebi grunted impatiently. It was already noon! So, the Hyuga's patriarch sent another subordinate to locate the mischievous duo.
"What?!" Hebi gasped. "They are… spending their time with night workers?!"
The subordinate hesitated before revealing, "It's only Jiraiya, Sir. Uh… the women appeared distant and intimidated by Kai."
'Of course, they did.' Yuka secretly rolled her eyes.
A vein popped over Hebi's forehead as he snarled, "It's enough! Those two had the chance to make things right. Deny them the entrance when they finally decide to approach the compound."
"Yes, Sir!"
Yuka was disappointed…
Her goals…
Her dreams…
All shattered!
As such, she retreated to her quarters and began studying. Destined to birth the Hyuga Clan's heir, Yuka followed a strict regime of several studies, including harsh training, despite her weaker constitution. The Hyuga Clan had no place for excuses, and Yuka didn't intend to make them.
"Hmm?"
Though young, Yuka was on her way to being a skilled sensor and quickly noticed a disturbance within the Clan Compound. It was already dusk. Wiping the sweat off her face, Yuka, like other Hyuga Clansmen in the Dojo training their asses off, filtered out only to witness a few guards flickering back and forth.
She sensed slight restlessness among those guards. Heavy clouds loomed over the compound. A few shivered in the autumn chill, which felt more drastic against the sweat they worked in the dojo.
It wasn't long when a guard from the Branch Family flickered beside her, making Yuka aware of Lord Hebi's need for her presence. Since she wasn't afforded any time, a simple Transformation Jutsu was to cover up Yuka's exhausted mess after a day's training.
The branch family's guard led Yuka through the garden, and the girl's lilac eyes soon popped open, threatening to bulge comically once you observed the duo standing outside the compound's entrance… in an… intriguing outfit.
Yuka, alongside Hebi and others, who claimed strict and stormy expressions, could hear the duo whispering and arguing.
"You're going to get me in trouble with your Sensei and mine!"
"Snnrk!" the older and the taller from the duo resisted the urge to snicker. "No, no. Leave it to me. Just do it as I taught you… it'll work. It worked for 'Skank', after all."
The duo wore black capes that curtained their torsos from the shoulders and straw hats covering their heads and features. As if intent on thoroughly insulting the Hyuga Clan's honor, they wore ragged slippers, baggy trousers, and a somewhat worn shirt unbuttoned from the front. Meanwhile, Yuka wondered why she bothered to transform into a better appearance since her previous condition was several times better than whatever this was.
"Go on… do it…" The older man patted the youth's back.
"Ugh…" The youth huffed before stepping forward.
He removed the rounded straw hat before standing squarely opposing the Hyuga Clan's leader.
"I've come to end this dispute between the Hyuga Clan and us."
*Whoosh*
A cold gust blew between them as Yuka and others were too stunned to speak… She felt the youth, Kai, was referencing something but didn't understand its head or tail.
"See?" Kai suddenly turned and glared at Jiraiya. "I told you we should've just popped by, said we're sorry, and THEN played around as your imaginary pirate friend!"
"Huh…" Jiraiya removed the straw hat and stroked his chin. "Well, Skank isn't an imaginary friend but a character of my new fiction. A redhead bum that gets all the mothers…"
Kai sighed and turned to look at the small crowd near the compound's entrance. "So… yeah. I'm sorry about making your daughter-in-law cry. To be fair, she wandered into that dark alley on her own—that's on her. Cool?"
If there was a term expressing a level beyond speechlessness, Yuka saw Hebi experiencing just that, as others could not comprehend what was going in Kai's and Jiraiya's heads if they believed it would work.
Imaginary friends?
Fictional characters?
What?
*Poof*
A plume of smoke swallowed Kai before it faded away, revoking the previous unkempt transformation into his usual outfit as the youth inquired.
"Well? Are we done? Or did you plan on inviting me in for some tea?"
*Bonk*
Jiraiya appeared behind the youth before knuckling the top of his head. "What Kai meant was, please accept our sincerest apology!"
Why did Jiraiya want to apologize?
Yuka grew somewhat curious when a stifled snarl snapped her and others out of their thoughts.
"You… imbeciles…" Hebi trembled with rage, the veins around his temples growing more prominent despite lacking an active Byakugan. "How dare you, you filthy—"
<<<>>>
"NINCOMPOOPS!"
Hiruzen screamed for the first time as Jiraiya and Kai stood rooted in the office… before the latter's body suddenly tilted to avoid a spray of spit from the outraged Hokage.
Jiraiya, however, accepted the full brunt of the punishment, spit and all.
"You two had one job of making up for your unruly actions, and you couldn't even do that!" Hiruzen continued. "You were meant to help the boy, not aggravate the Hyuga more. And did you think they forgot your past misconduct?!"
Kai blinked. That was new information. Jiraiya had him believe Hiruzen sent the former to assist Kai… yet it seemed like Jiraiya had some apologizing to do, too.
"That old thing," Jiraiya chuckled awkwardly. "It was just a test…"
"Peeking into the Hyuga Clan's bath is NOT a test!"
"I was just trying because nobody else would have thought of doing that," Jiraiya muttered. "After all, their Compound has the highest number of buildings with fuinjutsu to prevent others from spying using the Byakugan. See? It makes sense since the safest spot of peeking is in the—"
Jiraiya quickly shut up under Hiruzen's increasingly severe glare.
"Tell me what happened, Kai." Hiruzen glanced at Kai, disappointment dripping through his weary gaze.
The youth knew he had two options. First, he could throw Jiraiya under the bus and piss over their entire bond just because he wanted that promotion. Second, he could cover for the man and share some of the blame since he could have urged Jiraiya to stop shitting around… but he didn't.
Then again, Kai had to remember why he wanted to become a Jonin…
And also, wasn't there a saying?
Hoes before bros, was it?
Sigh… he couldn't.
Kai knew what he had to do.
So, standing proud and unapologetic, Kai accepted the truth.
"It was all Jiraiya-san's fault, Lord Third! I wanted to visit the Hyuga Clan first thing this morning, but Mito-Sama's knees acted up, and I had to massage her. Then, the Inuzuka Clan's heiress insisted on discussing political matters about her future (head pats.) When I met Jiraiya-san, I stated I would do anything to make things right with the Hyuga Clan. Had they asked me to lick their feet, I would have remembered spitting and slattering it first!"
Jiraiya's mouth hung open. He could snap—Et Tu Kai! But his proceeding words were shameless, to say the least. The youth's face had gotten admirable thick!
His words also surprised Hiruzen, who stood rooted before deflating in his seat.
"Just…" the man rubbed his head. "Just prepare for tomorrow, Kai-kun. I predicted something like this and asked another Jonin to test you. Remember this, child, I won't afford you another chance. So, you must give your all."
"Understood, Lord Third," Kai nodded before tossing Jiraiya a thumbs-up, who rolled his eyes in response.
Hiruzen only began after Kai left the office.
"Now that we're done with pretenses," the man huffed with exhaustion. "I sent you to help Kai with this matter… why did you change your mind?"
Jiraiya mused before shrugging.
"I know Kai enough to realize that the matter with the caged bird seal would set him off. It was better to act like I was the one screwing with his matter of making things right and taking on the blame—"
"You're not his Sensei," Hiruzen narrowed his eyes.
"Relax," Jiraiya chuckled. "I'm not teaching him or anything. He… just resembles Minato, if I have to word my thoughts."
"Like Minato? Does it have anything to do with Mount Myoboku?"
The white-haired Jonin shook his head.
"It's just a feeling, Sensei. When I look at Minato, I see a path of growth. He's got a right head above his shoulders and displays several outstanding qualities… but…"
"And you see the same thing with Kai?" Hiruzen questioned curiously.
Jiraiya grew silent as he sat in a chair. A rare look of seriousness graced his features as he whispered.
"I just sense… change."
***
A/N: My god, this chapter took so long! I didn't have the mental and emotional capacity to add alternate titles, but you guys can make a few.
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