We spent the night at an inn—courtesy of my accidental cult.
I had a bed softer than clouds, unlimited pancakes, and free villain merch.
Yes. They were selling shirts with my face on them.
"CHAOS KING – DESTROYER OF PIGEONS."
---
Morning came with a knock on the door.
I opened it.
It was Myra, wrapped in a towel, steam rising from her hair.
"Villain-samaaaa~" she sang, way too energetic for 7 AM. "I used your shampoo!"
"I didn't bring shampoo!"
She winked. "Then whose did I use?"
Slam. Door closed.
Behind me, Liria sipped tea. "We're going to die. Not in battle—of secondhand embarrassment."
---
At breakfast, I tried being serious.
"Okay. We need a plan. I have no army, no base, no idea what I'm doing—"
Myra raised a hand. "I can summon flaming squirrels."
"…What?"
She snapped her fingers.
A squirrel appeared. On fire.
It stared at me. Menacingly.
I nodded. "We use that."
---
While we walked out of town, the cult followed us, chanting:
"ALL HAIL LORD AKIRA! DESTROYER OF PIGEONS! FLAME-FRIEND OF SQUIRRELS!"
I turned to Liria. "Do I tell them to stop?"
She shrugged. "You could... or you could build your evil empire on breakfast foods and animal arson."
Honestly?
Not the worst idea.
---
That afternoon, we entered a forest. Peaceful. Too peaceful.
Then a voice called out.
"You three look strong."
A tall girl with twin buns and a massive axe stepped into view.
"My name is Mimi. I challenge you to a duel. If I win, I join your party."
Liria groaned. "Not another one…"
Myra clapped. "Yay! More girls! Let's make it a harem!"
"THIS IS NOT A HAREM!" I yelled.
…No one believed me.
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[Next Chapter: The Axe Girl, the Pancake Pact, and the Return of Exploding Pigeons]
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